Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Clean is better...
I was TIRED this morning...more so than usual. I am not a morning person to begin with, but I was definitely draggin' today. I hit the snooze button the usual amount of times, but it seemed like I had just gotten to sleep when I really had to get up. I truly like my job, but today I was headed to my least favorite building, so I was lacking in some motivation. Took me forever to drag my butt out of bed. I stood in the shower like in a trance. Usually my morning shower wakes me up pretty good, but this morning, I still felt half out of it when I got out. But I have to say, even in my foggy state, I noticed how good it was to have a clean bathroom to get ready in, especially being as tired as I was. Working in a clean environment makes things so much easier! Yeah, I know...this is not a new concept to most, but I read somewhere that the discovery of something old is still a discovery. I have a feeling I'll be making a lot of "old" discoveries in this journey.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
A cup of tea, a spot of tea, or no tea at all?
Got a cup of tea ready to take with me to work this morning. LOVED my clean counters to work on! Got my lunch ready in record time...I'm sure it's because of those clean counters...nothing to shuffle around, not looking for where I put something, etc.
Made supper in a clean kitchen...so much easier. Pans clean and ready to use; gotta love that! And somewhere along the way, I took note that I was putting stuff away as I used it without TOO much thought. Can't say it's natural (probably never will be entirely), but with everything starting off clean, there is a desire to keep it that way as much as possible. Now, what to have for supper tomorrow night...hmmm.
Still struggling a bit with the island in the kitchen. I am convinced that the gravitational pull is much stronger there. It's our Bermuda Triangle...stuff just disappears for a while there. It has to be cleaned off several times a day to maintain, and that gets old. But we are perservering...somewhere along the way, it will stay clean longer than an hour, I just know it.
Hubby washed dishes tonite and wiped off the counters for me. YAY! Major kudos to him! He did miss one pan (the biggest one used...how do you do that?), but that will be so easy to clean quickly with everything else around it clean.
Got some new fall decorations from my mom. I absolutely love Fall! Anyway, she agreed to store them for me until next year when I'll have places to put them...CLEAN places to put them.
The kids are "on board" with all of this for the most part, but there's still some attitude peaking out that makes me a little crazy. But bad habits are hard to break. I've heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. It just doesn't work. Well, I think that's what the kids want...they want to do (or not do!) the same things they've always done, but they also want a clean house; they just don't want to have to work to get it. Add to all that that they're teenagers (well, one teen and one almost-teen), and...well, you get the idea. These are things that should have been taught when they were toddlers. It's never too late to learn better ways, but it's going to take some perserverance on all of our parts.
Overall...good day! Now...for a good night...sleep is beckoning me!
Made supper in a clean kitchen...so much easier. Pans clean and ready to use; gotta love that! And somewhere along the way, I took note that I was putting stuff away as I used it without TOO much thought. Can't say it's natural (probably never will be entirely), but with everything starting off clean, there is a desire to keep it that way as much as possible. Now, what to have for supper tomorrow night...hmmm.
Still struggling a bit with the island in the kitchen. I am convinced that the gravitational pull is much stronger there. It's our Bermuda Triangle...stuff just disappears for a while there. It has to be cleaned off several times a day to maintain, and that gets old. But we are perservering...somewhere along the way, it will stay clean longer than an hour, I just know it.
Hubby washed dishes tonite and wiped off the counters for me. YAY! Major kudos to him! He did miss one pan (the biggest one used...how do you do that?), but that will be so easy to clean quickly with everything else around it clean.
Got some new fall decorations from my mom. I absolutely love Fall! Anyway, she agreed to store them for me until next year when I'll have places to put them...CLEAN places to put them.
The kids are "on board" with all of this for the most part, but there's still some attitude peaking out that makes me a little crazy. But bad habits are hard to break. I've heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. It just doesn't work. Well, I think that's what the kids want...they want to do (or not do!) the same things they've always done, but they also want a clean house; they just don't want to have to work to get it. Add to all that that they're teenagers (well, one teen and one almost-teen), and...well, you get the idea. These are things that should have been taught when they were toddlers. It's never too late to learn better ways, but it's going to take some perserverance on all of our parts.
Overall...good day! Now...for a good night...sleep is beckoning me!
Not real happy with my kids right now. >:[
My son has always had a deluded idea of what doing a good job means...especially when it comes to cleaning. He does what most would consider a half-assed job for EVERYthing. I know it seems contradictory or hypocrytical to say that this is something that has been a major issue/pain for years when you consider what he's had to live with...but it is true. And lately he's been so argumentative. He gets frustrated with us, feeling like we are nagging and nothing is ever good enough for us, but I get so tired of his telling us what a wonderful job he did only to go and check and barely be able to see evidence of his having been there at all. It doesn't help that someone turned a switch on him at 12, and he's become argumentative and obnoxious all at once. We can be looking at the same white surface at the same time, and he's insisting that it's black...getting madder by the minute that no one sees his logic. GRRRR....
Tonite, he insisted on making supper, making what he wanted and doing it his own way. It became a tug-of-war that no one won because his way did not work, but because it was supper for everyone, we all paid the consequences. And don't even ask about the (lack of) clean-up! I just want to bang my head against the wall...wait, maybe it's HIS head I want to bang against the wall...! (His 13th birthday is coming up, and that is a special milestone in our family. I've been trying to figure out what kind of celebration/ceremony we will have for him. Maybe I won't have to worry about it, cause I'm not sure he's going to live long enough!)
Topping the evening off, my lovely daughter decided it was a good night to cop an attitude with anything I asked her to do. She tried to justify it by saying she had homework to do. This was, of course, very close to bedtime....after she had spent an hour on the computer and said not a single word about her homework then.
Deep breath...breathe in....breathe out...breathe in...breathe out. We CAN do this...we WILL do this....
My son has always had a deluded idea of what doing a good job means...especially when it comes to cleaning. He does what most would consider a half-assed job for EVERYthing. I know it seems contradictory or hypocrytical to say that this is something that has been a major issue/pain for years when you consider what he's had to live with...but it is true. And lately he's been so argumentative. He gets frustrated with us, feeling like we are nagging and nothing is ever good enough for us, but I get so tired of his telling us what a wonderful job he did only to go and check and barely be able to see evidence of his having been there at all. It doesn't help that someone turned a switch on him at 12, and he's become argumentative and obnoxious all at once. We can be looking at the same white surface at the same time, and he's insisting that it's black...getting madder by the minute that no one sees his logic. GRRRR....
Tonite, he insisted on making supper, making what he wanted and doing it his own way. It became a tug-of-war that no one won because his way did not work, but because it was supper for everyone, we all paid the consequences. And don't even ask about the (lack of) clean-up! I just want to bang my head against the wall...wait, maybe it's HIS head I want to bang against the wall...! (His 13th birthday is coming up, and that is a special milestone in our family. I've been trying to figure out what kind of celebration/ceremony we will have for him. Maybe I won't have to worry about it, cause I'm not sure he's going to live long enough!)
Topping the evening off, my lovely daughter decided it was a good night to cop an attitude with anything I asked her to do. She tried to justify it by saying she had homework to do. This was, of course, very close to bedtime....after she had spent an hour on the computer and said not a single word about her homework then.
Deep breath...breathe in....breathe out...breathe in...breathe out. We CAN do this...we WILL do this....
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Another step into the world of cleanies...
One more area to maintain has been added today. Our kitchen floor has now been cleaned, swept, and mopped! It's been worse before, but it was still pretty nasty. Blech! The kids and I did it together, along with a little help from hubby. And we did that while maintaining our other areas: kitchen counter, did the dishes, emptied dishwasher, etc. Now, another routine has been added to our growing list. We plan to sweep every day and mop at least once a week.
The kids have done pretty well with their new bathroom routines. I think they see the benefit of doing something quickly every day instead of waiting until it's a nightmare that takes hours to clean. I'm proud of all of us with the whole issue of maintenance.
I also want to talk about some progress with my thought process today. I was at my mother's house today. She has always made housekeeping seem easy. She has always been a "cleanie," but it's not like I always and only saw her cleaning 24/7. She just had her routines down and never let anything go. People could stop by most anytime, and it wouldn't be a problem. As time has gone on, and especially since we kids have been gone, her house has been even more immaculate. And to top it all off, she has a real knack for decorating. She is constantly getting compliments on her home...and rightfully so. My friends see her house and just go on and on about how beautiful it is. I've always been self conscious of the difference with my house. I loved going to her house to get away from my own chaos. It was just easier to spend time there. But there are also some mixed feelings there because I would look at her decorations and feel sad because I would think about ideas I would have for my own home, but knew they would get lost in the mess. Today, for the first time, I was looking around one of her rooms briefly and I actually felt hope. I thought, someday in the near future, I'm going to, first of all, be able to appreciate the decorations, pictures, etc, that I already have up and have been lost lately, and, secondly, I can even make some changes or additions. That's kind of exciting to me! I have some wonderful seasonal decorations that have been given to me the past few years, but I haven't put half or more of them out because I could never get the house clean enough to justify putting them out. I especially think of my favorite season, Fall. I love fall...the colors, the changing leaves, cooler weather. And I have some really NICE fall "accouterments" to put up. I'll probably miss this season again with how slowly I'm moving, but next year....LOOK OUT! It's almost like a reward I'm looking forward to. When I reach a certain point, I can really spruce some things up. I can't wait.
Combine all of the above with my clean kitchen floor, and I'm feeling pretty doggone good right now! :)
The kids have done pretty well with their new bathroom routines. I think they see the benefit of doing something quickly every day instead of waiting until it's a nightmare that takes hours to clean. I'm proud of all of us with the whole issue of maintenance.
I also want to talk about some progress with my thought process today. I was at my mother's house today. She has always made housekeeping seem easy. She has always been a "cleanie," but it's not like I always and only saw her cleaning 24/7. She just had her routines down and never let anything go. People could stop by most anytime, and it wouldn't be a problem. As time has gone on, and especially since we kids have been gone, her house has been even more immaculate. And to top it all off, she has a real knack for decorating. She is constantly getting compliments on her home...and rightfully so. My friends see her house and just go on and on about how beautiful it is. I've always been self conscious of the difference with my house. I loved going to her house to get away from my own chaos. It was just easier to spend time there. But there are also some mixed feelings there because I would look at her decorations and feel sad because I would think about ideas I would have for my own home, but knew they would get lost in the mess. Today, for the first time, I was looking around one of her rooms briefly and I actually felt hope. I thought, someday in the near future, I'm going to, first of all, be able to appreciate the decorations, pictures, etc, that I already have up and have been lost lately, and, secondly, I can even make some changes or additions. That's kind of exciting to me! I have some wonderful seasonal decorations that have been given to me the past few years, but I haven't put half or more of them out because I could never get the house clean enough to justify putting them out. I especially think of my favorite season, Fall. I love fall...the colors, the changing leaves, cooler weather. And I have some really NICE fall "accouterments" to put up. I'll probably miss this season again with how slowly I'm moving, but next year....LOOK OUT! It's almost like a reward I'm looking forward to. When I reach a certain point, I can really spruce some things up. I can't wait.
Combine all of the above with my clean kitchen floor, and I'm feeling pretty doggone good right now! :)
Friday, September 24, 2010
Long Day
Long day today! Work dragged big time today. *Bleh*
In the cleaning realm, nothing new really, but the evening's not over yet. Some good news, though...my kids are working on maintaining their bathroom like I have been with ours...wiping out the sink and toilet every day, picking up clothes, and eventually spraying the shower every day. My daughter is fixing supper right now, and we have an agreement to keep up with everything as she goes. We haven't been home long, so that's all we've had time for so far.
In the cleaning realm, nothing new really, but the evening's not over yet. Some good news, though...my kids are working on maintaining their bathroom like I have been with ours...wiping out the sink and toilet every day, picking up clothes, and eventually spraying the shower every day. My daughter is fixing supper right now, and we have an agreement to keep up with everything as she goes. We haven't been home long, so that's all we've had time for so far.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Maintenance only...but it's okay...
Had a pretty nasty headache most of this evening, plus I didn't get home until almost 7:00, so today was only maintenance...BUT I DID MAINTAIN! I didn't let anything go like I normally would. You know how it is...a surface is cleaned off, so one or two things left there won't matter, right? But that's how it starts...so I gritted my teeth and kept up with what I've got started.
The holidays are coming...I'm looking forward to a cleaner house. (Notice I didn't say, "clean house.") Being realistic in that I still may not be where I will eventually need to be, but I know things will still be much better.
Working tomorrow and kids have games in their sports...I love watching my kids play! So, tomorrow's going to be a GOOD day.
G'nite...
The holidays are coming...I'm looking forward to a cleaner house. (Notice I didn't say, "clean house.") Being realistic in that I still may not be where I will eventually need to be, but I know things will still be much better.
Working tomorrow and kids have games in their sports...I love watching my kids play! So, tomorrow's going to be a GOOD day.
G'nite...
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The Spice of Life
I cleaned out my spice cupboard today. I know...the rest of my house is in such a state, and you're thinking, "She cleaned out her SPICE cupboard." I can smile at that because I am making progress in a way that works for ME. And as far as getting things done...what order, how slow, etc., I just don't care what other people think. Well, mostly.
Anyway, the spice cupboard wasn't planned. I was pulling out some seasoning to use on my chicken in the slow cooker (that's another thing...I've used my slow cooker twice in the last three days because the counters and the cooker are clean and ready to use!), when I pulled out a couple things to search for what I was looking for, I saw the shelf and thought, "EWW!" The spice cupboard is next to the stove, so everything was pretty much covered in grease and grodies. So...out comes the all-purpose cleaner, a rag, and paper towels. I found two things of nutmeg, allspice, dill, Italian seasoning, and a few others, three things of cream of tartar (good grief!), and a few things I didn't know I had nor even how to use them. Threw most of it away. Some, almost new...full... I hate to waste and am looking for a good home, but trust me, I won't look more than a day or two before pitching it all!
Now, I can shift things around and find spices without dumping half of them on the counter due to lack of room.
Baby steps...
Anyway, the spice cupboard wasn't planned. I was pulling out some seasoning to use on my chicken in the slow cooker (that's another thing...I've used my slow cooker twice in the last three days because the counters and the cooker are clean and ready to use!), when I pulled out a couple things to search for what I was looking for, I saw the shelf and thought, "EWW!" The spice cupboard is next to the stove, so everything was pretty much covered in grease and grodies. So...out comes the all-purpose cleaner, a rag, and paper towels. I found two things of nutmeg, allspice, dill, Italian seasoning, and a few others, three things of cream of tartar (good grief!), and a few things I didn't know I had nor even how to use them. Threw most of it away. Some, almost new...full... I hate to waste and am looking for a good home, but trust me, I won't look more than a day or two before pitching it all!
Now, I can shift things around and find spices without dumping half of them on the counter due to lack of room.
Baby steps...
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The clean is growing...
One more counter clean! Between yesterday and today, I got the counters in the kitchen cleaned and wiped off. Yay! The island is going to be a little tougher, especially when it comes to maintaining it. I think it's a magnet for clutter. Hmmm...have to think about that one. But in the meantime, if I keep the other counters maintained, that will be huge! :)
I actually washed dishes yesterday before going to bed! Do you know how I HATE to wash dishes??! But it is SO nice working around the kitchen today with a clean sink and no dirty dishes cluttering the counter.
The stove is also staring at me, daring me to clean it off. I hate cleaning off the stove (maybe even more than dishes)! The front of the stove around the handle is a mess, but I don't know how to get to it. I have tried all kinds of different things...SOS pads, an old toothbrush, even a screwdriver. I think I may have to actually tear apart the door to get to it.
I don't know what it is, but I've lost some steam with our bedroom. I don't mind most stages of laundry....except...I hate putting clothes away...maybe that's why. So, I've decided to work on other areas BUT do my bedroom a little bit at a time. Even if I just put two items of clothes away.
The bathroom is still clean!! :) I've been spraying the shower and wiping the sink down every day. I plan to include the toilet in that, too, but we have a leak right now. :P
Until another time...
I actually washed dishes yesterday before going to bed! Do you know how I HATE to wash dishes??! But it is SO nice working around the kitchen today with a clean sink and no dirty dishes cluttering the counter.
The stove is also staring at me, daring me to clean it off. I hate cleaning off the stove (maybe even more than dishes)! The front of the stove around the handle is a mess, but I don't know how to get to it. I have tried all kinds of different things...SOS pads, an old toothbrush, even a screwdriver. I think I may have to actually tear apart the door to get to it.
I don't know what it is, but I've lost some steam with our bedroom. I don't mind most stages of laundry....except...I hate putting clothes away...maybe that's why. So, I've decided to work on other areas BUT do my bedroom a little bit at a time. Even if I just put two items of clothes away.
The bathroom is still clean!! :) I've been spraying the shower and wiping the sink down every day. I plan to include the toilet in that, too, but we have a leak right now. :P
Until another time...
Monday, September 20, 2010
Day 8
I was on the Stepping Out of Squalor website and starting looking thru pics there. There are some incredibly brave people who are posting before and after photos there. I don't know why I've avoided them before...maybe because I thought I wouldn't find anything as bad as this house...but I finally ventured in today. I almost danced a jig when I saw someone's kitchen pics. I felt like shouting for joy.."Hey, she gets it! Her kitchen's just like mine! I am not the only one." *sigh* Such relief. And motivation, too. If others can climb out of this state...I can too.
If you've ever seen the movie, Homeward Bound, there is a scene near the end where the old dog falls into a hole. He tries climbing out this one side that is slanted, but quite muddy. He kept sliding back down after making serious progress, sometimes almost to the top. The younger pup at the top kept encouraging him and even yelled at him saying he wasn't going to LET him give up. Eventually he even joined him in the hole to start pushing him up. I love that scene...and I feel like it's an excellent illustration of how this is going to go for me. There will be times I want to give up. It's gonna feel like climbing a muddy slope uphill most of the time, and I'll probably do some of it in fits and starts. And there are people who will be encouraging and pushing me along. Some will even be willing to join me in the midst of it to help, nudge, and prod.
I can't wait to get to the top!
..
Today's progress wasn't as much as I'd hoped. I was tired today. I do fight some health issues in the midst of all this. Nothing super serious and certainly not life threatening, but a hindrance nonetheless...some days more than others. Anyway, although not as much as I'd hoped, I did make progress. Got the final dishes from the past done...all I have left is today's dishes. I maintained the bathroom, got some laundry done, and started the dining room table. A big deal for me is that I continue to maintain areas we've worked on.
My daughter cleaned the laundry room and pantry floors really good. My son cleaned their bathroom really good. Now to maintain those. Going to develop a routine for the kids for their bathroom...and I'm going to take some suggestions mentioned a long time ago into consideration for the laundry room and pantry. I've noticed once I figure out a system that WORKS for me...I do maintain it.
If you've ever seen the movie, Homeward Bound, there is a scene near the end where the old dog falls into a hole. He tries climbing out this one side that is slanted, but quite muddy. He kept sliding back down after making serious progress, sometimes almost to the top. The younger pup at the top kept encouraging him and even yelled at him saying he wasn't going to LET him give up. Eventually he even joined him in the hole to start pushing him up. I love that scene...and I feel like it's an excellent illustration of how this is going to go for me. There will be times I want to give up. It's gonna feel like climbing a muddy slope uphill most of the time, and I'll probably do some of it in fits and starts. And there are people who will be encouraging and pushing me along. Some will even be willing to join me in the midst of it to help, nudge, and prod.
I can't wait to get to the top!
..
Today's progress wasn't as much as I'd hoped. I was tired today. I do fight some health issues in the midst of all this. Nothing super serious and certainly not life threatening, but a hindrance nonetheless...some days more than others. Anyway, although not as much as I'd hoped, I did make progress. Got the final dishes from the past done...all I have left is today's dishes. I maintained the bathroom, got some laundry done, and started the dining room table. A big deal for me is that I continue to maintain areas we've worked on.
My daughter cleaned the laundry room and pantry floors really good. My son cleaned their bathroom really good. Now to maintain those. Going to develop a routine for the kids for their bathroom...and I'm going to take some suggestions mentioned a long time ago into consideration for the laundry room and pantry. I've noticed once I figure out a system that WORKS for me...I do maintain it.
One week
Still trying to process all of this...
Today was kind of tough...but exhilerating, too. Our bathroom carpeting has been replaced with linoleum...YAY! I have wanted this from the day we moved here, but it wasn't an option when we first moved in, and I never made it a priority afterward. But our pooch picked that room as a favorite for relieving herself if we weren't around to let her out. The carpet was grosser than gross, and I wasn't looking forward to trying to clean, disinfect, and de-stench it!
We also got a good start on our basement. One dump truck load went to the dumpster, and one car load went to Goodwill. And I gave it all up without looking back! RELIEF! HUGE relief! I am so excited to be able to work in my craft corner again.
On the more difficult side, though, it was hard to have my family in my house. Yes, I know they have seen it; they know, and they are here to help, not criticize, judge or degrade me. But the awareness, the shame, the embarrassment are still there...lurking just beneath the surface...percolating...waiting for the right opportunity to spill out and overwhelm me into paralysis once again. I'm trying to overcome, but it's not easy. It would be so much easier to curl up, shut down, and try to forget life on the outside. But whoever said life would be easy or even fair? It doesn't work that way...I know that.
It doesn't help that my hubby and I are trying so hard to be supportive of each other, but we find that while we are in the same book, we're rarely on the same page. One day, he wants baby steps while I want to run and do the long jump. The next day, it's the other way around. His parents want to help...mine, too. We need the help; we know that. But we also need to do some of this on our own terms, or the changes will be temporary. And we both hate having family come into this mess. So all kinds of feelings from anger to shame to irritation all run right beneath the surface, and it doesn't take much to pick a fight. Today, we had such a "discussion," and I wasn't even sure what we were fighting about. There was just so much tension, and it was all directed to the wrong people.
*Sigh* One day at a time. Just for today...I will be happy with the progress we've made. Progress, not perfection.
I do love my hubby and my family, and I am grateful they are a part of my life!
Oh...goals for tomorrow: Maintaining what we've started...our bathroom...spray shower, wipe sink and toilet quickly. Finish the dishes from the past (only 3 stoneware pans to go!) and wash tomorrow's dishes. Laundry...as many loads as we can get done. At least one more layer on my side of the bedroom. And lastly, I'd like to get started with our dining room table, especially since we are thinking about selling it.
Today was kind of tough...but exhilerating, too. Our bathroom carpeting has been replaced with linoleum...YAY! I have wanted this from the day we moved here, but it wasn't an option when we first moved in, and I never made it a priority afterward. But our pooch picked that room as a favorite for relieving herself if we weren't around to let her out. The carpet was grosser than gross, and I wasn't looking forward to trying to clean, disinfect, and de-stench it!
We also got a good start on our basement. One dump truck load went to the dumpster, and one car load went to Goodwill. And I gave it all up without looking back! RELIEF! HUGE relief! I am so excited to be able to work in my craft corner again.
On the more difficult side, though, it was hard to have my family in my house. Yes, I know they have seen it; they know, and they are here to help, not criticize, judge or degrade me. But the awareness, the shame, the embarrassment are still there...lurking just beneath the surface...percolating...waiting for the right opportunity to spill out and overwhelm me into paralysis once again. I'm trying to overcome, but it's not easy. It would be so much easier to curl up, shut down, and try to forget life on the outside. But whoever said life would be easy or even fair? It doesn't work that way...I know that.
It doesn't help that my hubby and I are trying so hard to be supportive of each other, but we find that while we are in the same book, we're rarely on the same page. One day, he wants baby steps while I want to run and do the long jump. The next day, it's the other way around. His parents want to help...mine, too. We need the help; we know that. But we also need to do some of this on our own terms, or the changes will be temporary. And we both hate having family come into this mess. So all kinds of feelings from anger to shame to irritation all run right beneath the surface, and it doesn't take much to pick a fight. Today, we had such a "discussion," and I wasn't even sure what we were fighting about. There was just so much tension, and it was all directed to the wrong people.
*Sigh* One day at a time. Just for today...I will be happy with the progress we've made. Progress, not perfection.
I do love my hubby and my family, and I am grateful they are a part of my life!
Oh...goals for tomorrow: Maintaining what we've started...our bathroom...spray shower, wipe sink and toilet quickly. Finish the dishes from the past (only 3 stoneware pans to go!) and wash tomorrow's dishes. Laundry...as many loads as we can get done. At least one more layer on my side of the bedroom. And lastly, I'd like to get started with our dining room table, especially since we are thinking about selling it.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Day 5 begins
You know, this doing things in stages and/or layers is really cool. I am seeing progress, and it lifts the spirits! But I am being realistic, too...not expecting too much...and get this--I'm maintaining what I've already done. That is what still daunts me a little. Once I make significant progress, how in the world will I maintain it? I mean, treading water before was overwhelming, let alone when I will have so much more to maintain. Well, I've refused to think too far ahead. One day at a time. And so far, so good. We've maintained! I sprayed the shower and did a quick wipe of our bathroom sink this morning (I finally remembered to do that!). I washed more dishes yesterday...they are almost done. And my daughter and I went through stuff under our kitchen island and got rid of a lot of stuff that I don't use.
The next 36 hours are going to be NUTS for us...kids' games to go to, I have to work, we're putting in our new bathroom floor, and I'm still trying to figure out how the heck we're going to get the kids' paper routes done, and to top it all off, my hubby is home sick from work. (Woke up to the sound of his viscious vomiting at 5 AM...that was pleasant...NOT.) So...the point in all of that is that my goals for today are simply to continue and try to finish a couple projects I've started: my side of our bedroom, a couple loads of laundry, and the cupboard items that my son took out for me to sort and decide what we keep and what goes. Nothing new.
Oh, one more thing...I find this kind of funny...in the midst of the clutter and dirt, we are trying to put things away as we use them and clean up at least what we've used at that time. So in the midst of a mountain of empty wrappers, boxes, and dirty dishes, we're putting the current items away. It seems so silly to outsiders, but it's an attempt to form better habits. So when the past filth is gone, nothing new is building. Gotta love that!
Now...off to work. :P
The next 36 hours are going to be NUTS for us...kids' games to go to, I have to work, we're putting in our new bathroom floor, and I'm still trying to figure out how the heck we're going to get the kids' paper routes done, and to top it all off, my hubby is home sick from work. (Woke up to the sound of his viscious vomiting at 5 AM...that was pleasant...NOT.) So...the point in all of that is that my goals for today are simply to continue and try to finish a couple projects I've started: my side of our bedroom, a couple loads of laundry, and the cupboard items that my son took out for me to sort and decide what we keep and what goes. Nothing new.
Oh, one more thing...I find this kind of funny...in the midst of the clutter and dirt, we are trying to put things away as we use them and clean up at least what we've used at that time. So in the midst of a mountain of empty wrappers, boxes, and dirty dishes, we're putting the current items away. It seems so silly to outsiders, but it's an attempt to form better habits. So when the past filth is gone, nothing new is building. Gotta love that!
Now...off to work. :P
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
As I was cleaning my bathroom yesterday, for the first time in weeks (yes, you read correctly, I said weeks. There have been times before when I could have typed months.), I was thinking about what I wanted to type here. I finally decided I would just go with the flow, especially since you can count on one hand the number of people who will be reading this at first. I'm trying to figure out how to get the word out while keeping this completely anonymous. It's a way to keep myself accountable...a way to vent and work through some feelings...and a way to fight through the shame. Maybe I can help someone else going through similar pain...or maybe I can help bring some awareness to others who have no idea what this is like or how prevalent it really is.
Intervention
It's a word I'm all too familiar with. I'm married to an addict, after all. While we never had to do a full blown true intervention to gain his attention and sobriety, we did what I would consider shades of one several times. Being involved in recovery, we are familiar with what it entails. If I ever thought I would be a part of one, I would be one of the ones giving it, certainly not receiving it. But that's exactly what Sunday afternoon was...an intervention...and I was on the receiving end.
Squalor
Such an ugly word! I mean seriously, have you ever seen such filth, disgust, and ickiness in one word? Squalor. Just say that word--one word--and someone shivers. There is no doubt to its meaning, nor the depth of it. Beyond clutter, beyond disorganization, and even beyond chaos. Most women consider their house a source of pride, a safe haven. We are always encouraged to let the housework go to spend time with our families...the dust will wait. Well, some of us have taken "let it go" to a whole new level. When that word comes up, most of us would think of the slums, living near the dumpster in the worst part of town, bugs and rats, sewage and slime. But like so many well-kept and dark secrets, I've learned this affects everyone from the worst part of town to the best, those with one-room apartments and those with 5 million dollar mansions, those with no kids and those with ten, women who work 60 hours a week and women who stay home full time.
I know I'm not alone. But there is still much shame to work through.
Baby Steps
Those words have never meant so much to me as they have now. I have so much to overcome; if I think about it too much, I feel so very overwhelmed. I knew right away it was going to have to be baby steps. When my husband and I talked and finally faced up to the enormity of our problem, we decided our game plan would be one baby step each day. Our schedules are absolutely PACKED, so it hasn't worked quite like I wanted, but we are still making progress. I've got a tween and a teen in the house, both involved with sports, each with their own paper routes. Hubby works full time as do I, and we both also have a couple of very part time jobs. Just getting the evening meal ready is daunting under those circumstances in a normal house...try doing it in a filthy one, and it becomes like trying to wade through quicksand. So, if I can't even tread water, how am I supposed to swim the channel? The answer is to take a few strokes and then tread water for a few minutes...stroke, stroke, stroke, tread water, float, stroke, stroke, stroke, tread water, float...you get the idea. An important part of that is that those strokes can be normal free style strokes, or they can be equivalent to the dog paddle...whatever I feel up to at the time.
When hubby and I were forming our game plan and setting some goals, he starting pushing a little too much too soon. I just knew I wouldn't get done what he was suggesting. It was important to get him to back up and be realistic. If I'm not realistic with myself, then I would get discouraged....and quickly.
It's going to be hard to find the balance between baby steps and laziness. When do I push, and when do I back off and remain glad for what's happened so far? When is backing off reasonable and when is it an excuse to meander off the path, off-track from my goals? Hopefully I'll find out while making progress each day. You know, even maintaining will be progress for me.
Progress
Speaking of progress, what progress have we made so far? Well, mold and mildew are no longer finding the "vacancy" sign out in our bathroom. The carpeting on my husband's side of the bed has seen daylight for the first time in months, the first layer of clothes on my side of the bedroom floor have been put away, into the hamper, or into a bag for Goodwill. The mountain of dishes has become a molehill. And the first layer of grime has been wiped from counters and the stovetop.
The reason only top layers have been done in some areas is because we had to do some emergency cleaning as a couple was dropping by to view a piece of furniture we were selling. Even just starting this whole process helped with that. We have torn up our smelly non-salvagable bathroom carpet, and hubby painted the floor to lock in the odor. The stuff he painted on, though, was quite potent, temporarily covering up the overall rank smell of squalor that has managed to penetrate our home. (That was another part of the intervention that rocked my world...our house smelled like a slum and a pet sewer combined.) A combination of our brief surface cleaning, the potent paint smell, along with some clever shifts in clutter allowed us to tell this couple that we were in the process of several home projects, so please ignore our mess. They not only bought our story, but also bought the piece we were selling. Praise God!
One day at a time, I will get through this, and I will come out cleaner on the other side. Some days it will feel like running, some like walking, some like crawling, and some like standing still. But hopefully the overall feeling will be one of progress, not perfection. If you're still reaing this, watch for daily posts that will vary in length from a sentence or two to long essays. Feel free to post your encouragement...leave any discouraging words on your own blog.
Intervention
It's a word I'm all too familiar with. I'm married to an addict, after all. While we never had to do a full blown true intervention to gain his attention and sobriety, we did what I would consider shades of one several times. Being involved in recovery, we are familiar with what it entails. If I ever thought I would be a part of one, I would be one of the ones giving it, certainly not receiving it. But that's exactly what Sunday afternoon was...an intervention...and I was on the receiving end.
Squalor
Such an ugly word! I mean seriously, have you ever seen such filth, disgust, and ickiness in one word? Squalor. Just say that word--one word--and someone shivers. There is no doubt to its meaning, nor the depth of it. Beyond clutter, beyond disorganization, and even beyond chaos. Most women consider their house a source of pride, a safe haven. We are always encouraged to let the housework go to spend time with our families...the dust will wait. Well, some of us have taken "let it go" to a whole new level. When that word comes up, most of us would think of the slums, living near the dumpster in the worst part of town, bugs and rats, sewage and slime. But like so many well-kept and dark secrets, I've learned this affects everyone from the worst part of town to the best, those with one-room apartments and those with 5 million dollar mansions, those with no kids and those with ten, women who work 60 hours a week and women who stay home full time.
I know I'm not alone. But there is still much shame to work through.
Baby Steps
Those words have never meant so much to me as they have now. I have so much to overcome; if I think about it too much, I feel so very overwhelmed. I knew right away it was going to have to be baby steps. When my husband and I talked and finally faced up to the enormity of our problem, we decided our game plan would be one baby step each day. Our schedules are absolutely PACKED, so it hasn't worked quite like I wanted, but we are still making progress. I've got a tween and a teen in the house, both involved with sports, each with their own paper routes. Hubby works full time as do I, and we both also have a couple of very part time jobs. Just getting the evening meal ready is daunting under those circumstances in a normal house...try doing it in a filthy one, and it becomes like trying to wade through quicksand. So, if I can't even tread water, how am I supposed to swim the channel? The answer is to take a few strokes and then tread water for a few minutes...stroke, stroke, stroke, tread water, float, stroke, stroke, stroke, tread water, float...you get the idea. An important part of that is that those strokes can be normal free style strokes, or they can be equivalent to the dog paddle...whatever I feel up to at the time.
When hubby and I were forming our game plan and setting some goals, he starting pushing a little too much too soon. I just knew I wouldn't get done what he was suggesting. It was important to get him to back up and be realistic. If I'm not realistic with myself, then I would get discouraged....and quickly.
It's going to be hard to find the balance between baby steps and laziness. When do I push, and when do I back off and remain glad for what's happened so far? When is backing off reasonable and when is it an excuse to meander off the path, off-track from my goals? Hopefully I'll find out while making progress each day. You know, even maintaining will be progress for me.
Progress
Speaking of progress, what progress have we made so far? Well, mold and mildew are no longer finding the "vacancy" sign out in our bathroom. The carpeting on my husband's side of the bed has seen daylight for the first time in months, the first layer of clothes on my side of the bedroom floor have been put away, into the hamper, or into a bag for Goodwill. The mountain of dishes has become a molehill. And the first layer of grime has been wiped from counters and the stovetop.
The reason only top layers have been done in some areas is because we had to do some emergency cleaning as a couple was dropping by to view a piece of furniture we were selling. Even just starting this whole process helped with that. We have torn up our smelly non-salvagable bathroom carpet, and hubby painted the floor to lock in the odor. The stuff he painted on, though, was quite potent, temporarily covering up the overall rank smell of squalor that has managed to penetrate our home. (That was another part of the intervention that rocked my world...our house smelled like a slum and a pet sewer combined.) A combination of our brief surface cleaning, the potent paint smell, along with some clever shifts in clutter allowed us to tell this couple that we were in the process of several home projects, so please ignore our mess. They not only bought our story, but also bought the piece we were selling. Praise God!
One day at a time, I will get through this, and I will come out cleaner on the other side. Some days it will feel like running, some like walking, some like crawling, and some like standing still. But hopefully the overall feeling will be one of progress, not perfection. If you're still reaing this, watch for daily posts that will vary in length from a sentence or two to long essays. Feel free to post your encouragement...leave any discouraging words on your own blog.
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