One week

Still trying to process all of this...



Today was kind of tough...but exhilerating, too. Our bathroom carpeting has been replaced with linoleum...YAY! I have wanted this from the day we moved here, but it wasn't an option when we first moved in, and I never made it a priority afterward. But our pooch picked that room as a favorite for relieving herself if we weren't around to let her out. The carpet was grosser than gross, and I wasn't looking forward to trying to clean, disinfect, and de-stench it!



We also got a good start on our basement. One dump truck load went to the dumpster, and one car load went to Goodwill. And I gave it all up without looking back! RELIEF! HUGE relief! I am so excited to be able to work in my craft corner again.



On the more difficult side, though, it was hard to have my family in my house. Yes, I know they have seen it; they know, and they are here to help, not criticize, judge or degrade me. But the awareness, the shame, the embarrassment are still there...lurking just beneath the surface...percolating...waiting for the right opportunity to spill out and overwhelm me into paralysis once again. I'm trying to overcome, but it's not easy. It would be so much easier to curl up, shut down, and try to forget life on the outside. But whoever said life would be easy or even fair? It doesn't work that way...I know that.



It doesn't help that my hubby and I are trying so hard to be supportive of each other, but we find that while we are in the same book, we're rarely on the same page. One day, he wants baby steps while I want to run and do the long jump. The next day, it's the other way around. His parents want to help...mine, too. We need the help; we know that. But we also need to do some of this on our own terms, or the changes will be temporary. And we both hate having family come into this mess. So all kinds of feelings from anger to shame to irritation all run right beneath the surface, and it doesn't take much to pick a fight. Today, we had such a "discussion," and I wasn't even sure what we were fighting about. There was just so much tension, and it was all directed to the wrong people.



*Sigh* One day at a time. Just for today...I will be happy with the progress we've made. Progress, not perfection.



I do love my hubby and my family, and I am grateful they are a part of my life!

Oh...goals for tomorrow: Maintaining what we've started...our bathroom...spray shower, wipe sink and toilet quickly. Finish the dishes from the past (only 3 stoneware pans to go!) and wash tomorrow's dishes. Laundry...as many loads as we can get done. At least one more layer on my side of the bedroom. And lastly, I'd like to get started with our dining room table, especially since we are thinking about selling it.