Not here, not now

I posted on the SOS board, but I don't think I'll add it here. I needed to share some things that would not be beneficial knowing who is reading here. :) Don't worry, I'll post again here soon, honest.

Up, Down, and All Around

Okay, so I haven't been here in a while. Sue me! Oh, that's right, you can't...you don't know who I am...HA! Okay, a few of you do, but I don't think you'll go to the hassle of tracking me down and dragging me down for missing a few weeks.

Sorry, I'm in a sarcastic mood right now. But that's a good thing as I have a sarcastic sense of humor, so when I'm in a sarcastic mood, it usually means I'm in a good mood. That is the case right now, so I thought I'd take advantage of it and write for a few minutes. And I really do only have a few minutes...I am at work.

Things have been up and down a LOT since I last wrote. I'll start with the negative so I can end with the positive...

I haven't even been on the SOS boards much lately. I don't think I've been there at all for more than a week...maybe more. I'm gonna feel so behind once I get there, but I know there will be lots of support, too, once I arrive.

We are still struggling with maintenance. Not NEARLY like before, but I do sometimes feel like we are spinning our wheels and never get to where I want to be. And of course the kids will cooperate beautifully one day and completely the opposite the next. The dry erase board is helping, but our schedules are so crazy and chaotic that even that is hard to keep up with.

I come home from work, and I am just wiped out...and I usually still have lots of running left to do for the kids' sports. I LOVE that they are in sports, but it means we are ALWAYS on the go. So many women do this with so much less effort...how do they do it?? I know I have some health issues that do not help, but they really aren't that bad, so I should be able to keep up with this better. I really wish we could afford a housekeeper just to help us keep up with the basics. Ah well...

Positive stuff is happening all the time, though, so I don't often feel overwhelmed or too discouraged. For example, I baked cookies a few days ago...in a clean kitchen! Well, at least it started off clean. And because of that, I was motivated to put things away and clean up as I went. I haven't made these kind of cookies in a long time...and oh, were they yummy!

I had a headache yesterday. A bad one. Worse than I've had in a while. If you've ever had migraines, you know what I mean. I got home from Hannah's bb game and almost crawled to the nearest chair. My kids got me an ice pack, and I didn't move for a couple hours. I then went straight to bed. Slowly, eventually, with an ice pack, medication, a dark room, and a warm bed, it began to ease. How is that a positive in my world of squalor? Well, the kitchen and family room aren't where I'd like them to be as far as cleanliness goes, BUT...they weren't so bad that I laid there worrying and thinking about it. (And trust me, migraine or not, in my previous world, I would have done that.) I could go to bed guilt-free knowing that in the next couple days we would get to them, and it wouldn't take all day to do it.

We are getting ready for my son's birthday. He'll be 13 which is a big deal for our family. It will be the first "real" get-together since I've begun this journey to clean. I'm actually looking forward to it, not stressing for it! This is a big step for me. And a new concept...welcoming people into my CLEAN home. All of this happens on Sunday...just 4 days away...! Well, I've gotta change subjects now, because I know if I think about it TOO much, I WILL end up stressing.

Hubby shampooed the carpets in two of the main rooms. They look a little better, but boy do we need new carpeting!! Not gonna happen for a while, but at least I know we've got it as clean as we can. People can sit, and kids can crawl on it w/o fear.

I am really missing my craft area. It gets out of control every now and then, and then I clean it up, sort thru a lot of it, and start all over. I've been wanting to do that for weeks now, but one road block after another pops up. My son broke his foot, but he plays bb, so we're still taking him to games to support the team. My daughter is also in bb, so most every day entails either practice or a game. I have little to no energy it seems. You know how it is...life just gets in the way. AAAAAKK!

Well, on that note, I am going to close...for now. I already have ideas for future posts, so it shouldn't be so long again.

TTFN

I actually started this on Wednesday, Nov. 10th...

I was sent to the wrong building today for work. Things went downhill from there. When I got to the right building (late, of course), they didn't even know I was supposed to be there. A secretary gave me my folder and an ID tag and promptly turned around and walked away. I was dismissed. I finally found the right room, but no instructions, no note, no prep, no clue. Oh this was going to be a glorious day....

I leave that room to arrive where I need to be next only to find out I was dressed completely inappropriately. GRRRrrr... never mind that I dressed according to how this type of assignment had worked every single time in the past. Today was different. Of course.

My coworker was quite gracious, kind, and helpful (thank you, Lord!), but it didn't take away any of my discomfort or self consciousness. As far as I was concerned, from the very beginning, this day couldn't be over soon enough.

I got home exhausted and was pleasantly surprised and grateful when DH offered to pick up our DD from play practice this afternoon. It was a good day to relax, no major projects undertaken today. With the kids' school show this weekend, we knew we wouldn't get much, if anything, done this week. Maintaining would be hard enough.

I didn't think anyone could equal or better my procrastination, but the kids are definitely in the running if not far far ahead. It's getting quite annoying having to constantly hound them after they get home. It wouldn't be so bad except that they are getting home quite late this week, so there's not much time between their arrival home and bedtime to get chores done. Now, I kept all of this in mind when creating their chores. Their lists are much smaller, and each chore considerably easier than usual. But they STILL drag their feet and then eventually forget...a lot. Often they are in bed before I discover undone or half-done chores. AARRGGG!

We did get some things done this weekend and earlier this week that are worth noting:

• DH took apart the stove door, so I was finally able to get to that gross, greasy, sticky substance under the handle. Tearing it apart and putting it back together was what I dreaded the most, so I was so grateful that my hubby did that part of it. Cleaning it all up after that actually wasn't bad in that I didn't mind, and it didn't take too long. I swear last night, I heard it say, "Thank you!" I smiled and gave it a pat as I passed by last night. A clean stove...what a concept!
  
• The microwave. DD and I both did this. I got the outside all cleaned up and left the inside for her. She informed me quite clearly that she did not appreciate how nasty the roof of that microwave had gotten...! :P
• We got three big black garbage bags of trash taken downstairs. Remember those from our son's room that were in the living room. We also took another big bag to the car to take to Goodwill. This made a big dent in the living room which was quickly getting out of control again.
• We got a big garbage bag of clothes and a box of misc stuff that was in the car actually TO Goodwill the other day.

Yay for positives in the midst of a busy, stressful week!

Ever notice that when you organize something from the inside out things often look worse before they look better?

Right now, it looks like my son's room threw up into our living room. Clothes EVERYWHERE! But...among them is a big black garbage bag almost full of clothes to give away, and two big garbage bags of trash from his room. And I can see the floor of his room. I think it's been two years since I've seen that floor. (Okay, maybe not quite two years...but I think I'm exaggerating because I don't want to know what the real time frame is!)

Lots of laundry to do...

Not now, Dear, I've got a headache...

I get migraines. I have medicine for them, but it usually takes a while for it to work...at least an hour usually. Sometimes an ice pack helps take the edge off until the medicine works. So early this morning, I trudged out to the freezer and got an ice pack and headed back to bed for a little while. It did feel good on the pounding, and eventually the headache did ease up and finally go away.

When cleaning the bedroom, I came across the ice pack and set it aside to put away. I had to smile thinking of all the ice packs I came across when cleaning up in there a couple weeks ago. The ice pack usually ends up on the floor by my side of the bed. When you have weeks worth of clothes and trash there, the ice packs would tend to disappear. So, after a while, I'd have no ice packs in the freezer and would have to make one...that is if we had ice to make one with.

Today, the floor was clear, so I picked up the ice pack and got it put away for the next time. How cool is that?

Just another of those small victories that come with a clean room.

Our Family's Mug Shots

Something I read on SOS recently reminded me of a fun scene in my kitchen.

I enjoy a cup of tea almost every day except in the hottest part of summer. I don't like a tea cup, but rather drink it in mugs, and I have a lot of mugs to testify to that. Most of my mugs have a story behind them or someone special gave it to me, so getting rid of them has almost always been a no-no. I would go through them and get rid of maybe one or two every couple years, but that's about it. My daughter has bugged me to get rid of more of them, but I would always tell her that each one held special meaning, or was a mug I really liked for its size, shape, and/or picture. She never really bought it, but she would leave me alone for a while until the next time.

Well, getting caught up and working to STAY caught up on the dishes has made me realize how many of those blasted mugs I really did have. The cupboard was overflowing, and the kids were leaving mugs and glasses out on the counter because there was no room for them in the cupboard. That was driving me crazy...it just made my newly cleaned counters look so cluttered. Plus, half the time those glasses would get washed again since they weren't put away, and no one would bother to look if they were clean or not...so into the dishwasher they would go...again.

I started to think...how many mugs does one family need? Especially when DH doesn't like coffee, only drinks tea when he's going to sing that day, and rarely drinks anything else hot. Even my kids don't use them that often. So...I got a bit ruthless and started sorting them out. I began accumulating a nice pile to give away and set aside some that were DH's and kids' mugs that they didn't use too often to ask them if it was okay to get rid of them. I forgot to ask until a couple days later, and when I did, what followed was a scene almost out of a sitcom.

It helps to know that DD and I both have a very sarcastic sense of humor. DD also has a fun, outgoing personality, so stuff like this can make me laugh as much as any comedian. She was "yelling" at me for getting rid of a couple mugs that she insisted she used. But then she would turn around and ask me why I was keeping certain mugs. One was a "mother" mug that she and her brother had given me, and when I told her that's why I was keeping it, she said, "Really? I don't remember giving it to you. So...that means you can get rid of it." She made me laugh, and since I did have another mug that they had given me that they did remember, I took her advice and got rid of that one, guilt-free.

Of course you might think that means it's my turn to harrass her about her choices to keep...but it wasn't that easy. We were "fighting" and reaching for each other's mugs (unsuccessfully usually) and going round and round about what were good reasons to keep them. We were laughing most of the time, and in the end, we did get rid of quite a few mugs.

The guys of the house didn't really care much except to keep one or two of their favorites. Otherwise, whatever we got rid of was fine with them.

Our cupboard is now full, but full of mugs and glasses we use, and the counter no longer has a bunch of clean glasses strewn about. We are able to keep up with the dishes more and waste water and soap less since we're not rewashing glasses every other day.

I love making things more functional, easy-to-use, and/or easy to put away and keep neat!

A Reason to Smile

Didn't have to work today, but SO tired. I slept in, and then by mid afternoon I was wilting fast. So I basically got nothing done today. No major backslide, but a lot of lost opportunity.

The kids are not feeling too cooperative today. The usual excuses: "I just did that yesterday!" "Can't so-and-so do it?" "That's not part of cleaning the counters (or whatever)." GRRRR. A lot of sighs and eye-rolling, too.

We are trying a schedule of sorts getting the daily and weekly chores done. I was going to try to come up with something permanent...we would do a certain chore every Monday, another one every Tuesday, etc. and most of the time the same person would do the same chores. I didn't work in that direction too long at all before I realized there is no way that would work for us. The kids are both in sports, and every week, our schedule is different. Plus no one likes to do the same chore over and over. So-o-o-o, I reworked it. Each week is going to be different, and because of sports and/or drama schedules, someone may be working more one or two days, and there will be days where none of us can get anything but maintenance done, but most of the time it will balance out. I post two or three days worth of a schedule on our dry erase board, and they are to check it as soon as they get home from school and then get them done in a reasonable amount of time. Today was the first day, and as you can guess from the attitudes I posted earlier, it wasn't the smoothest in the world. BUT...I have a sense that given some time, it could work if we all work together to MAKE it work.

There have been some positives going on around here, though:
I am so glad we made our bedroom a place of peace. It is so nice going to bed in there without having to step around, over, or on top of piles of clothes and trash. And it makes it easier to get up and get ready in the morning. And I have to laugh at myself because I LIKE having the bed made every day...! I really didn't think I would like it this much, and I certainly thought that even if I did, I'd never admit it to myself or especially to anyone else after what I posted about it. (See my post about making the bed if you're just now joining me....it was a couple weeks or so ago, I believe.) But it's true...I do like it. :P

My daughter had a couple friends over the other day to go trick-or-treating together. It was a spontaneous decision, no time to run home and clean, and it was possible because of our recent progress. The family room was pretty cluttered when we first got home, but my daughter took a few minutes to clean it up, and her friends even helped carry a couple boxes to the car so they were out of the way. We then all had a great time watching a movie until it was time for them to get dressed up.

We did manage to vacuum yesterday. Now, to get caught up on laundry. You know, that's one chore I usually don't mind doing, but I am FOREVER behind on it! Also to get rid of our dining room table. I recently downsized and got rid of the mountain of paperwork on our old table. Our new table is much smaller and much more the style I had originally wanted. I remember when we bought the old set. Hubby wasn't crazy about it and tried to talk me out of it. I dug in my heels and really wanted it. We didn't get it paid off in time, so we ended up paying a ton of interest. It was never worth it, and I while I did really like it, I can't say that I loved it. This new one, however, I really love...and I'm keeping it clean. It's got some decorations on it that I am enjoying, and every time I walk thru that room now, I smile.

Well, I've got an early morning tomorrow, so off to bed now. Here's to more rooms that make me/us smile...soon! :)

Clothes and Closets

I have been posting much of this at the SOS blog site. It's amazing how a response or two from those lovely ladies along with a rise in the numbers who are reading this can perk one up so considerably. To those of you posting and reading...thank you! Your words, thoughts and prayers mean so much.

How long ago was it that I said, "Let's see how long it takes me to put away the clothes that are out in the living room." Hmmm....I'll have to look it up. But I finally got it done today! Mount WashedMore is no more! It's nice to know what clothes I have available, especially for work. Now, if we could just keep up with the rest of the house...!

Because of putting clothes away and reading a thread at SOS about carpet beetles and larvae, I got motivated to clean out the closet floor. No creepie crawlies (whew!), but of course there was some dried up food in the back corners. My critters like to steal and hide food of all sorts when we are gone. There wasn't much as I've recently finally gotten in the habit of actually closing the closet door, but whatever was there was pretty unidentifiable. Thank goodness for a long reaching vacuum so I didn't have to get too close!

I had a slew of purses in there, and I was able to purge about half of them. Someone at Goodwill will be getting some nice deals on some nice handbags. I'm just shaking my head and wondering WHY I kept them for so long...so sure I would use them eventually. I was also able to condense my shoes a bit so I could fit in a basket of pants that had been sitting just outside of the closet.

Overall, this just adds to the sense of peace in our bedroom.

Our son actually dug in and made some real progress in his room. Still a long way to go, and hubby wanted to just keep going, but my son was feeling overwhelmed and needed a break. He and hubby tend to clash on this issue anyway. Son wants to do it himself; hubby wants to help (and son does need SOME help) but takes it so personally when son wants to at least start it himself. They did reach a compromise today, but I had to remind hubby that his room was as bad as our whole house had been and we had to do the house in small stages (and we're STILL struggling with the whole maintenance thing), so we couldn't expect too much from our son. We have all cleaned up his room in the past, but within days it would be back to where it was. Something has to be different this time...that definition of insanity, remember? Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. SOMEthing has to be done differently!

Anyway, what was interesting to me was that one of the things he was most proud of was how much of his stuff that he got rid of! He actually got rid of old trophies, lots of stuffed animals, and of course some clothes. He seems to really like the feeling of freedom and peace it gives his room! I am proud of him! I am so surprised at the trophies, and a part of me wants to go get them back out. They were something he had been so proud of...but they WERE from quite a while ago, and he did keep a couple faves. He's got bigger goals to attain as he heads into junior high and high school. Maybe this frees him up to reach for those goals...no hindrances whatsoever, either mental or tangible. Good for him!

Early morning, tomorrow, so g'nite all!

Progress not Perfection, right?

Today was an interesting day.

I got a call to work today, but it was for a situation I had been in before, and to say it was horrific would be an understatement. Knowing that Thursdays are usually busy and I would probably get called again for something different, I turned it down. I didn't get called again. It weighed heavily on my mind most of the day. Supposedly, my sanity should be worth something...a day's pay? But when you live paycheck to paycheck...let's just say, I beat myself up pretty good for it. *sigh*

I was tired a good bit. I tried, really tried, to use the time off productively, but I felt like I had been drugged. I don't know if it was my health issues rearing their ugly head or what, but I ended up lying down to take a nap, praying that I would feel better when I woke up. Two hours and several weird dreams later, I did feel better physically, but not so much about how the day went.

I had a little bit of driving to do (errands to run) as usual, and I found myself really looking around at the fall weather and colors. Temps were dropping here today, pretty significantly, and it's amazing how, even from inside, one can just look and tell that it's much cooler...definitely fall. There's something different about the wind, the overcast sky, all of it, that is difficult to define. But the difference is there. I love fall...and I found myself absorbing all of this, and marveling at God's masterpiece here on earth. Cool weather often makes me grateful for things like shelter, electricity, warm blankets, and hot chocolate. So I took a moment in the car to thank God for these things.

Yesterday, I dozed off in our recliner and when I woke up, my feet were so cold they almost hurt. When I put on warm socks it was a tangible relief that could only be compared to putting salve and a bandage on a wound. Sometimes it's the little things, but I got to thinking about how many people don't have something as simple as a pair of socks.

As far as extracurricular activities go, this has been a fairly slow week for us. The break has been nice, but it would have been a great opportunity to get some other projects done or caught up. So why are we struggling so much to just maintain? It should be as easy as putting stuff away as you use it, taking a few minutes each evening to straighten up, and taking a few minutes to wash up the day's dishes rather than wait three weeks. But...it's just not that easy. And with each one or two things that we put off, five more pop up. I swear the dust bunnies are multiplying!

I have noticed how a few things have started to become routine. My bathroom remains clean, and after all my squawking about the bed, I find I notice it as soon as I come out of the bathroom in the morning. My daughter continues to make her bed and she swipes the sink most every morning. She also notices when the clutter is spreading and wants us to get a handle on it before it's too late. My son, on the other hand, is *ahem* a little less cooperative. He's not defiant, but forgetful, unmotivated, and unfocused. I am often the same way, especially in the forgetful category, so it's hard to remind him of things when I have trouble remembering my own list, let alone what I've asked him to do.

Solutions seem so simple to the cleanies...lists, notes, etc. Why are these so hard for us "squalorees" to utilize? Why is my brain so scattered? I've got enough faults as it is...this one just seems to magnify them all.

One thing I will clarify...to close on a hopeful, optimistic note... the maintaining we are struggling with has a LOT more to do with clutter rather than squalor. No rotting food in the sink (or frig), no dried-on ketchup smears on the counter, and no dried up pee around the toilet. In fact, this morning I had to listen to my daughter screech to my son to clean up his pee that he had sprayed all over the floor. He's supposed to be swiping that area every morning anyway, but often forgets. I guess it was so bad this time, she wasn't about to let him get away with it. Now, scattered clothes, dishes, and papers...those are the things I see when I look around.

Gotta close...gotta work tomorrow. Raising my glass of milk (I love milk!)....here's to a better tomorrow and a good weekend!

Accomplishments?

"List three accomplishments in order of priority that you have had that you feel will help with this job."

That was a question on a recent job application that I was filling out. Several weeks ago I was asked an almost identical question in an interview.

I hate this question. Still do. And lately it's been haunting me a bit.

The first thing that always comes to mind is my kids. I have two terrific kids, and I could absolutely burst with pride when I think or talk about them. I am a good mom. It's one of the few things (maybe the only thing) I have much self confidence in. I could talk about them for a long time.

But that's only one thing. What else can I say? It was especially hard in the interview because I was drawing a complete blank. So we sat there in silence while I was trying to come up with something. I'm sure that went over well...not.

Lately, I am so happy with the changes we've made in the house. We are rising out of squalor, and it hasn't been easy. In fact, we are having some trouble keeping up with some of the maintenance. There isn't the squalor like we've had...not even close. But there is clutter. It wouldn't take very long to quickly get it picked up for company, and that's a treat for us, but it's still not where I want to be. Anyway, I don't think "de-squaloring" would go over too well with a supervisor as an accomplishment in a job application.

I don't think I make a great wife. Several years after going through struggle after struggle...our own hell of sorts...I still have trouble giving what I know my husband needs. And not being able to do any sort of normal housekeeping until recently doesn't put me high on list of good, qualified wives, I'm sure.

I've volunteered for several ministries in our church, but guess how many of those have thrived and grown, especially because of what I've done? Ummm....let's see....counting the most recent one....that would be zero. (As in zip, zilch, zero, nada.)

I've had some jobs through my adult life, some part-time, some full-time, and some I've done well, and some not. But even with those that I've done well, there isn't anything I can claim as an "accomplishment."

I do like my current job; in fact, I like it a lot, and I'm pretty good at it. But it's one where I should be making a difference with people, and I don't think I am. I would love to hear from someone from the past that I actually made a dent in their life. Maybe I've been watching too many Hallmark movies.

I haven't posted in a while, and I don't like to be such a downer now, but I'm just struggling a bit tonite. *sigh*

I know God's grace is enough...oh, thank the Lord for that! But I'd like to be able to say I've served Him well, and I just don't think I have.

"Well done, good and faithful servant." Those words make me cry almost every time I read them because I don't think I'll ever hear them. And the tears are starting now, so before I make myself worse, I'm going to sign off.

A Squalor's Dictionary

There is a thread at the SOS forum titled "The SOS Dictionary." It has been fun reading some of these. It's been helpful, too, as I did wonder about some of them. I thought I'd post them here, so that if I use them, you'll know what I'm talking about. Even if I don't use them, they're fun to read. Enjoy.

• twirling - when you stand in a room, looking around and trying to figure out where to start, and you end up confused and overwhelmed, and you end up doing nothing.
• sink pudding - that gunk that fills your sink after a loooong time of not doing the dishes.
• ballet - the "dance" you do when you're navigating a path (see "goat trail") in your house and trying to avoid running into and tripping over things.
• goat trail - the path through your home when all other areas are impassable.
• Mt. Washmore - a huge pile of dirty laundry that needs to be done.
• Mt. Washedmore - a huge pile of clean clothes that need to be put away.
• amnesty - your official pardon from doing all the things like recycling that you think you MUST or SHOULD do in order to be a good person, but, as you continue to do them, or attempt to do them, you find they actually sabotage your efforts at having a safe and sane home. Therefore, you are granted amnesty from any thought or expectation that puts even one more tiny step between you and a healthy, happy, and junk-free home.
• the breeding grounds - where socks go to do the nasty & create hundreds of singlet socks with no match. (For example: Our socks tend to go completely sterile when they are actually in the laundry room - all socks have one mate & no offspring. Once they hit the couch after drying though, it's a free-for-all sock orgy & I can't tell you how many love-children have appeared after the wild sock festivals that go on in broad daylight on my couch. It's disgusting.)
• stacking - when all of the horizontal spaces are taken, you have to go vertical. Really tall "stacks" fall sometimes.
• frozen - when feeling overwhelmed, you can't do anything. Also known as paralysis.
• overwhelmed - what every single one of us was feeling when we stumbled upon SOS. (And yes, it still happens.)
• shop & drop - coming back from a shopping trip and dropping everything in the foyer, where it stays for several months.
• Mt. Fuji - a positive term to describe 3+ weeks' worth of pots & pans that have just been washed and are stacked up on the kitchen counter, air-drying.
• Churning - moving stuff from place to place without actually putting it away or finding a permanent home for it - or getting rid of it.
• Squober (I love this one!) - A play on the word "sober," a change in lifestyle and most importantly, a change in the way of thinking that leads to cleaning your way out of squalor and eventually into maintenance. Many of us are "clean and squober!"
• self squabotage - self sabotaging by putting too many steps or complications between yourself and getting stuff OUT of your home; coming up with seemingly legitimate reasons to hold onto things, sort through them, or finding other ways to keep them around longer.
• squabotage - unintentionally giving advice to others in the same vein.
• squinking - thinking that begins with........but i paid so much for xyz, or it was given to me by so and so, or i'll use it again some day, or i need it in case for xyz, or it's not "green" to just throw it out, or this is too good to just toss out/give away........pretty much any thought that pops into your head after you get the first inkling you ought to get something the heck out of your home instead of simply just getting rid of it.
• roominate - traveling from room to room in your home THINKING about all the stuff you intend to do.

I think what makes some of these fun is that there are actually terms for these things. Things that I have been doing and never realized how many others have been or are doing, too. They understand me. Much like an alcoholic or drug addict, while I am disgusted with my habits, I am relieved to know there are so many others who are walking this walk with me, and others who have made it and can verify that clean and squober is not an impossible goal.

Still working...

There are still so many areas that need work, but to have the house presentable so that I'm not embarrassed when someone comes is HUGE! Let's see....some areas that still need work:

• The microwave! Is it just me, or is this one of the quickest areas to get so very icky?! And while small, it's not the easiest thing in the world to clean. I hate cleaning it out. And the area around it gets pretty nasty, too.
• The kitchen cupboards need a good spring cleaning (too bad it's fall...guess those will have to wait a while! -- kidding, kidding, really.)
• The laundry room and pantry (they are connected). I have not been doing a great job with defending it from when dd cleaned it a couple weeks ago. They are small areas, and one litterbox is in there. So between the smell and the clutter, it's not easy to keep up with.
• The dining room table and our new desk. The table had been serving as a desk for quite a while, so I'm trying to get the mounds of paperwork sorted and onto on in the new desk area. I have some pretty good motivation here as we downsized to a smaller table for our dining room, but I have to get the older bigger one cleaned off before we can move the new smaller one in. I like this new one. It's new to us. We got it off of craigslist. We are going to sell our old one. I'm anxious to get rid of it and get the new one in there, so I've been puttering away at the paperwork the past few days.
• My son's room!! I don't even want to think about this one. His room is as bad as the entire rest of the house was when we started this journey. We have been trying to encourage him to do what we've done and find an area to clean and defend, but no results as of yet. We're going to just have to force that issue, but I am SO not ready for that yet. We'll get there. At least I can close the door to company for now.
• Get clothes put away from the living room into my closet. I should be able to do this today if I remember to pick up hangers at my mom's house. She told me she has hangers galore that she can give me...yay!
• Our basement still needs some work, although right now it probably looks like a lot of normal basements look....clutter, unfinished projects, and my craft corner that needs a lot of work.
• Our garage needs a lot of work, but that would be hubby's project. We have gotten a lot out of there, including a lot of garbage and trash that had been piling up...but there is still a LOT to be done!

There are others I'm probably missing right now, but that's certainly enough. Most of these areas are "hidden," so I'm going to make sure that I'm defending the current areas before moving on, and I'll probably take my time, as I already find the daily maintenance a good bit harder to keep up with now since we got all the main areas done. Back to work now. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

Quote of the century!

"I don't mind doing it because the rooms are already clean."

I was lying in bed (it's Saturday; I was sleeping in, give me a break), when I heard this quote from my daughter just outside my room. I sat straight up and shook my head to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Pinch me, please. On second thought, don't. If I am dreaming, I don't want to wake up! But I wasn't dreaming. She was talking to her brother about vacuuming...! Another miracle in the Boda Climb to Clean Project. Wow.

Actually, you need to divide the sentence to realize that it's actually a double miracle. "I don't mind doing it..." To hear that from either one of my kids about cleaning is incredible. If you read my earlier posts, you know that this hasn't been a smooth journey when dealing with my family. Now, she did have her own motivation as she is expecting company later this afternoon, but she pulled out the vacuum and glass cleaner (!) and got to work without even a whimper of complaint.

Then there's the second part, "...the rooms are already clean." I NEVER thought I'd hear that about MY house. "The rooms are already clean." Do you know what it's like to hear that...and to know it's TRUE??! Most people do. This was a first for me. The only exception is our dining room table, but it's got stacks of papers that I need to sort through...quite different from the areas of trash and filth we've been cleaning. Now, the house is not perfect; it looks lived in, but it's a bit of clutter, not grime, filth, and dirt. For most people, this is normal...for me, it's pristine!

"Cleanliness is next to godliness." I hate that phrase! Because godliness involves so much more than cleanliness, so I think it underscores the importance of being godly in such an ungodly world. It's kind of like the overuse of the word "awesome." BUT, cleanliness does bring some peace, and for us in the world of squalor, it brings a sense of accomplishment like most people don't understand. (I named this "Climb to Clean for a reason!) Well, actually that's probably not fair...most people have different reasons for feeling a wonderful sense of accomplishment, but it's not usually from a clean house. :)

Our bedroom...a new place of peace

Another Oasis created!

I had the day off (sort of), and the kids had off school, so I finally got to my side of our bedroom. Since my hubby cleaned his side and has kept it pretty clean, that means the whole bedroom is now a sanctuary. I don't know why I haven't been wanting to do it, but I'm glad it's done now. I can't say that I was in the mood for doing it even today, but I wasn't as against it as usual, so I just started. Motivation does follow action, most of the time, and this time it worked. Once I got started, I really wanted to finish. I moved at a slow but steady pace, and for once, I didn't get overheated or overtired. It helped having little on our schedule today, so I could focus. It also helped that this wasn't part of a crisis cleaning. I've done plenty of those (usually when I was expecting company), and they usually end up badly...I procrastinate and don't get done nearly what I want to, and I'm rushing around when the company arrives...I'm flustered, way behind, and embarrassed.

Now, I've got lots of clothes out in the living room that need to be put away. I've been waiting until the bedroom was done before bringing them in. Smart choice for me, but let's see how long it takes me to get them put away. I need to pick up hangers...I'm always short of hangers...always.

Now, to change the subject a little bit. I've been thinking about the words "defend" and "maintain." I noticed at the SOS site that when talking about maintaining areas, the word "defend" is actually used. I really liked that, and I think I understand why. I think it shows a proactive approach. It seems to be more of an action verb than "maintain." I played sports in high school and know the importance of a good defense. It's every bit as important as the offense. One cannot survive without the other. "Maintain" sounds easy...too easy. "Defend" gives a better idea as to how hard this is for some of us...not impossible, but not easy either.

Just some thoughts for the evening...

G'nite all...

I Believe...

I believe I am

a unique and precious human being

my own best friend

and my own worst enemy

a lovable and loving person

capable of realizing my potential

self respecting

responsible for my own behavior

learning from my mistakes

creating a joyful life

an important part of the universe.

I read this on a poster shortly after the "intervention." I have always struggled with my self esteem, but I had been at an all-time low lately. I needed to read this, and I wrote it down so I could say it to myself often...often enough that hopefully someday I'll believe it.

Delight in the Fall

The leaves were especially beautiful today. Even my daughter commented that the view from her school (it overlooks a state park and a lake) was especially pretty with the leaves today.

Today was an incredibly busy day (quick rundown...work, daughter had home game, son had away game, I had to ref, hubby had to work second PT job...!), and in order to get everything accomplished, I, of course, had to do a lot of driving. Usually I get tired of driving around so much, but today, where I had to go took me through some really pretty areas with leaves that were bright red, deep gold, and a rich orange in colors. Some of them took my breath away...just gorgeous! I was thinking about how much I love fall and how I was looking forward to decorating for it next year (see my post a couple weeks ago about that), when I realized how my decorations are so pale in comparison to God's natural beauty outside and all around. A friend of my family's said that autumn is like God painting in slow motion. What a beautiful way to think of fall!

It really lifted my spirits to be out and about in such beauty.

Coming home to a relatively clean house (big parts of it, anyway) certainly helped too. We didn't have time for anything but defending our currently clean areas, but I knew that going into today, so I felt pretty good about it. Our schedules aren't going to settle down for some time, so we have to be able to go with the flow. Maintaining is such progress for us! Knowing that we can do that much on a day like today means a lot to me. It means that when we do reach the stage where most of the house is clean most of the time, we WILL be able to keep up with it.

Another busy day tomorrow...not as busy as today, but still busy. Then, the kids get a couple days off of school. Hopefully we can make some progress over those days.

I love Jesus. I love my family. I like my job. I love my hubby. I am starting to believe I could maybe have that abundant life Jesus promised that has always felt so out-of-reach for me.

Cobwebs, Be Gone!

Lots of kudos to give out today...

We got a lot accomplished the past couple days. First of all, our "formal" living room (Is there such a thing as a formal living room when living in squalor??) has been cleaned up...vacuumed, dusted, the whole nine yards. My son did this, and while he didn't do a perfect job, he didn't do too bad at all. This shouldn't be too hard to defend (maintain) as we don't spend a lot of time there. It's nice because that's where the front door opens into, so at least the first impression will be good. Now, my dining room which is the second place most people see is still a wreck, but I'm here to talk about progress...

We bought a desk for our family room to take the place of a computer armoir that we recently sold. The desk is bigger than I thought it would be, but I still really like it. It motivated us to move some furniture around, and in doing so, we pulled out the vacuum. I was delighted with my family's attitude. When my daughter and I started the process, I thought we would do the bare minimum and work on the rest this week, but she pulled out the vacuum, I started moving furniture, and we were off and running! While we had the vacuum out, I suggested getting some nasty cobwebs out of the one corner. We couldn't reach, so we hollered for my hubby to come help. He got those cobwebs and then started around the room. Ugh...there were a lot more than I realized! But I think we got them all. And it was actually kind of fun going around and sucking up those dirty old webs. Hmmm...I'm thinking now maybe I should have left them there for Halloween...? ...Nah. :P

We also vacuumed off the ceiling fan. Could someone tell me what it is about ceiling fans that they collect so much gunk?! (Yes, that is the scientific name for it..."gunk." A cross-species of gross, junk, goo, and grodies. Ick!) Anyway, we got the family room floor cleaned up, and we dusted the furniture and pictures. I swear, some of the stuff could have been accessories to a haunted house...dust and cobwebs galore! The coffee table still needs to be cleaned off. That's an area like my kitchen island that draws clutter, papers, and even dirty dishes like nowhere else. It will take a while to get that maintained on a regular basis. But to keep my sanity, I'm going to focus on defending the floor for now. Between the living room and the family room floor, those are enough new areas to maintain this week. We have another crazy week ahead, especially the beginning half.

What made me smile through most of the progress we made is my family's attitude. So much better than a couple weeks ago! Maybe I caught them on a good day; maybe they're enjoying the other clean areas, so they're willing to pitch in a little better. I don't know. But I do know I was incredibly grateful for it today. A productive weekend...even with attending a wedding yesterday!

Now...the work week grind begins in a just a few hours. G'nite, all!

Trash Maneuvers

I found this on my favorite web site (SOS), and I was practically in tears at the end from laughing so hard. I could have written this...this is exactly how I've thought, and actually can still find myself falling back into these old habits way too easily. Read and enjoy!

The trash maneuvers: What are the trash maneuvers? They are a complicated set of thoughts and actions, related to circling around a trash bin instead of taking it out. You see, it is just too hard to take the trash out when the bin is full, so a set of complicated maneuvers is required to avoid this TEDIOUS, tedious task. It goes like this:

Step 1. Observe the trash bin. Make a mental note: "Hey, the bin is full. Crap." Solution: simply use some force to fit your trash in the bin. You will be surprised at the huge amount of trash you can actually fit into a small bin when you really work for it!

Step 2. When no amount of force helps, and the bin is just too full, locate a suitable spot somewhere, and simply leave your trash there. Remember, it takes too much effort to just take the trash bag out of the bin and take it outside!

Step 3. Every time you go to the kitchen, take some time to be bothered about the trash. Thoughts like these help: "Uh-oh, it's full. Ugh, it smells in here." When you need to throw something away, think, "What should I do about this piece of trash? Yeah, I'll just leave it on the counter - No wait, there's already too much trash on it - Well, I'll just throw it in the sink, the sink smells already anyway. It's too much trouble to take the trash out."

Step 4. When you are finally just too fed up with all the trash surrounding you, or if the smell makes it hard to breathe in the kitchen, or if the in-laws are threatening to visit you, it is time to finally take the trash out. Take the bag out of the bin and put it somewhere you remember to take it out: the front door, for example.

Step 5. Every time you go out, make a mental note about the trash bag blocking your way to the front door. Make another mental note, reminding yourself you're too busy to take it out. Step or jump over the bag. Repeat this step for as long as you wish or endure. Some have been doing this for days, weeks, months, maybe even years! Remember to be very bothered about the trash bag sitting at your front door or hallway (or kitchen or living room if your'e really hardcore), but remind yourself it's too tedious to take it out with you. You are too busy for that. And remember, Busy People are Important People.

Step 6. This step is performed in the kitchen, in parallel with Step 5. Multitasking, you see! You could spend a few seconds taking another trash bag (you probably have collected a 100 years' worth of these already) and putting it in the bin. STOP! Don't do that! Those few seconds take too much of your Precious Time!

Step 7. Maintain Step 6. Every time you need to throw some trash in the bin, make a mental note: "Uh-oh, there's no bag in there, I can't put this thing in the bin," and just leave it on a vacant spot in the kitchen. Repeat this step until you feel ready to actually put the bag in the bin.

Step 8. Cleaning frenzy! You're fed up with the situation and finally have put the bag in the bin! Now it's time to take advantage of a usable trash bin, so collect all the trash in the kitchen (in the sink, on the counters, table, floor, wherever it is) and throw it in the bin!

Step 9. Observe the bin. It is now full.

Step 10. Go to step 1 and repeat.

YES. I've actually been behaving like this, many times. I won't bother taking the trash out because spending those two minutes to take it out would be too much trouble. BUT, apparently, it is not too much trouble to spend several minutes, maybe hours in total, watching the counters and sink get covered in trash, worrying about it, moving it around when I cook, and taking the time to wonder, with each piece of new trash, where to put it. To my delight, however, I've been getting out of this habit. I have realized how utterly stupid it is to take all the time worrying about trash, when you could really just "waste" a couple of minutes of your precious time to take the trash out when the bin is full and put another bag in the bin. Yes, I've definitely made progress here and it really makes a difference!

Walls

I hit a wall. A brick wall. Not a literal wall, but a wall of exhaustion that felt like a brick wall. Our schedules are incredibly busy, every single day. Wednesdays are usually the least busy, so I always try to add at least one more area of clean on Wednesdays, even if it's a small area. But, I had a bit of a rough day at work yesterday, and then had some running around to do afterward. I was pretty whipped when I got home, but I did manage to make some supper. I was so hungry, and it tasted so good...so that was a wonderful reprieve in the day. Shortly after that, though is when I hit that wall. What is frustrating is that I kept dozing off and on in our recliner, but talk about strange dreams! Weird. And not at all restful. I was probably snoring, too (I usually do).

I had plans to progress further forward in my cleaning projects. As I said, Wednesdays are usually pretty quiet...the kids don't have practices or games, and we had an evening at home, but that wall was just totally insurmountable. I had assigned my kids their projects, and much to their credit, they did accomplish them. On top of that, my hubby made sure they got the maintenance areas in the kitchen done, so by the time we went to bed, the counters were clean and the dishes were done. They weren't done perfectly, but they were done, and I can live with that. The fact that they were done at all tells me that we are getting the hang of this maintenance thing. In the past, we would have let it go, telling ourselves (lying to ourselves, really), that since it wasn't too bad, we'd get to it the next day. This time, my kids and hubby, "sucked it up" and just did it (while I snored ever so gently in the recliner. And I am so proud of them! (I HEARD that choking--or was it guffawing?--about my gentle snoring...)

On an even more positive note, on Tuesday evening, both kids commented out loud about how nice it was that we were maintaining the kitchen. I think, like me, they are seeing that this is do-able, and if we keep adding things at a reasonable pace, we will eventually have a house where people can drop in without the fear of God running through our veins when we hear a knock at the door. You know how it is, when your friend calls wanting to drop something off, and you panic...it's raining out, so you can't meet them outside, so...you race through the house picking up whatever you possibly can, throw it in the bedroom, slam the door. Then, you race through the house spraying air freshener, hoping that gives an illusion of clean (we all know it doesn't work, but we try anyway). And my house is laid out in such a way that I keep them trapped at the front door, practically spinning them on their heels, saying "Thanx so much, and I'd invite you in, but I can't right now," and shoo them back out into the rain. Yeah, that would be me...the hostess with the mostest. :p

Good to know that changes are in process...

I Made My Bed Today!

This makes me laugh. I have been planning and thinking about this blog for days...I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it (in my head until now).

It's been months and possibly even years since I've made my bed. Now, believe it or not, we have always been able to sleep in our bed...it has not been covered with junk/stuff/clothes/whatever for more than a day. (Now, the floor is a different story, but we won't go there today.) For most people -- from average housekeepers to OCD cleanies -- making the bed is a pretty basic thing taught from the time one is a toddler. But for me, it's just never been a priority. And to some extent, it still isn't at the top of my list. I mean, come on, you're just gonna get back in it in about 16 hours, it's easy to close a bedroom door to the outside, and it doesn't hinder anything else by letting it go. It is strictly an aesthetically pleasing chore. Even if you use the bed, like I do, to fold and sort laundry before putting it away, it's not hard to toss aside the covers and carry on. Making the bed doesn't make that any easier to do. Think about it...the kitchen counters look nice when they're clean, but mainly they become much more functional. The floors...much easier to walk through and work on. Even dusting, which helps things look nice also serves a purpose in that it keeps the dirt and dust that we breathe in to a minimum. But making the bed...? Well....you get the idea.

Even my daughter and husband think of making the bed as part of the basics. My daughter, ON HER OWN, has been making her bed every morning for at least a couple of years. And at the very beginning of this journey, when we were discussing things we would shoot for to do on a daily basis, my husband mentioned making the bed. He even volunteered to fold his covers and set them aside, since we have separate covers (I am a notorious cover hog, plus I toss and turn, practically doing gymnastics in bed, so we have separate covers). My cover is a nice comforter that can serve as a bed spread, too. I told hubby it would have to be pretty simple at first (and maybe always): spread out the comforter, throw on some nice pillow shams, and toss the pillows at the head of the bed. Anything more than that, and I'll fade out of that habit pretty quickly.

I fell into that perfectionism mode a little bit in that I wanted to change the linens before I started making the bed. I did that a while ago, but kept forgetting to make the bed. It's not part of my routine, and since I'm not a morning person, I kept walking by it in a daze every morning. Today, for the first time in a while, I had the opportunity to sleep in (only had to go to work for half a day...the second half), and when I woke up, I noticed hubby's covers all folded up. I wondered how long he had been doing that hoping I would get around to making the bed...? Anyway...I actually made the bed today!

Something else I had forgotten was how much fun our one cat is when I make the bed. She thinks my shaking and spreading out the comforter is an invitation to play. She goes a little nuts chasing the edges and corners and this morning ended up playing with her own tail long after I finished. In the past, she would sometimes start off under the cover, so I would just let it fall on top of her. I would then place bets in my head as to how long it would take her to get out. And I love how, in situations like that, cats try to leave and carry on with some dignity. So hopefully, I'll remember to make the bed from here on out, and I'll get some entertainment in the morning...when I most need it! But since you know it's not at the top of my list...if I miss it here and there...well...have some patience...! :)

Applause for a supportive hubby...

The back of our basement was an absolute disgusting mess. The dog had been using it as her litterbox (yeah, I know dogs don't use litterboxes, but you get the idea) over and over...and over again. There were boxes, a desk, a table, and other misc. stuff around, so we never seemed to get it cleaned up well. It was hard to stay back there long enough to even get the worst of it cleaned up as the stench was positively nauseating. It permeated the entire basement, but going to the back was hard to do without literally heaving and wretching.

I give our whole family kudos a couple weeks ago for tolerating it enough to start throwing out a lot of "stuff." (A dump truck's worth, if you remember.) Some of my extended family was there, and we tried to make light of the situation and the odor, but I think we all could have benefited from gas masks! But getting that load of stuff gone was key to my husband's next move that he made yesterday.

He cleared the entire area, cleaned up the floor as best he could, then painted the floor with Kilz. That stuff is fantastic! And it worked. Our basement smells normal. After he finished, I was able to go back and sort through most of the boxes that were back there and put the keeper stuff in plastic totes. We are in the process of putting most everything into plastic totes. Basements tend to be damp anyway, but our one corner has some serious water issues that we need to work on, but in the meantime, those plastic totes will keep things safe. I can also see through most of them, so I know what's inside.

I'm rattling...I really am going somewhere with this...

My daughter had to go downstairs to get something out of our extra freezer, and she was practically writing cheers all the way down and back up again about how wonderful it was that the basement smelled normal...she could walk back to the back without worrying about dog pooh...and she could breathe deeply the whole way. It was almost comical how big a deal she was making of it! But I was so glad because my hubby is one who needs almost constant affirmation. I hope he was listening and absorbing the whole thing. He really does deserve some props for taking on that project. Honestly in all the de-squaloring we do, this may be the one single thing that makes the biggest difference. It may be a toss-up between that and the vinyl bathroom floor. That bathroom floor got rid of the worst of the smell upstairs, got rid of that gross carpet, and helped motivate me to keep that bathroom clean and let the clean grow from there. The basement floor got rid of the smell downstairs (which was actually much worse than upstairs) and feels like it will be a motivation to organize and grow the clean downstairs. And I can use my craft corner now!! (Well, that area needs some serious work with organization, but it's do-able, and I love making gifts, so with the holiday season fast approaching, I've got some great motivation.) So, if you see my hubby in the near future, please give him a big hug and tell him his wife thinks he's pretty terrific.

Thoughts for my next areas to work on: the kitchen is the most used room in the house, so the more I work on it, the more functional it becomes, so I'm going to keep working at that. The microwave area isn't too bad, but it does need a good scrubbing and then it will be easier to maintain. Much like the microwave, the stove is not bad, but it's not great either. My problem is that I'm dreading tearing apart the door so I can get to the nasty stuff under the handle. Oh yeah, it's nasty, and I've tried everything under the sun to get to it. It's just going to have to be torn apart. I've looked at it, and I think it's do-able, but it's not gonna be fun. And the last thing (I think) in the kitchen is the cupboards. Most aren't too bad, but they could all use a good spring cleaning and sorting, and a couple of them are kind of icky. I think that covers the kitchen.

I think the next big area I will try to get done in the next couple days is the living room. It's a fairly easy one to clean and maintain as we don't spend a lot of time in there. It's also where the front door enters into, so it's nice to have it cleaned up for a decent first impression.

I could continue...but I won't. I'll overwhelm myself. But it's exciting to be able to grow something! I have such a black thumb...but now I can tell myself I can't grow plants, but I can grow clean...!!! Hahahahaha...

Now, to find some extra energy...anyone have any to spare? :)

Footloose and Fancy Free in the Kitchen

Once again, I was on one of my favorite web sites (Stepping Out of Squalor...SOS) when I read something that really resonated with me. Believe it or not, there is a streak of perfectionism in us "squalorees." That probably surprises you. See, we feel like when we do something (esp. house cleaning), we need to do it ALL and do it WELL...even perfectly. If we can't do it--no time, too overwhelmed, whatever--then we don't do ANYthing. Even doing something like picking up the obvious trash is too small a task if we can't get it all done. I mean doing that will lead to the next glaring layer of grime, and if I can't get to it, then why should I even start? I know this is ridiculous to the "cleanies" out there, but it is our warped way of thinking. Crazy, huh? Yeah, I know. But it is exactly how I tend to think.

I found myself falling into that trap even recently. As you know, I've been working on small areas to clean and then maintain. That means that other areas still show no signs of improvement. I'm fine with that because the clean is growing...someday, not too far in the future, clean WILL win. But those other areas can still be pretty bad. I'll find myself wanting to deal with part of it...but my old way of thinking rears its ugly head. I'm thinking, oh, I will be getting to that, and I'll be cleaning it up and maintaining it, too (cause I've seen recently that I AM capable of that), so instead of picking up those few things that are bothering me, or really getting in the way of our day-to-day living, I just let them go, or keep walking by it.

The other day, I was talking to myself (not out loud, thankfully...I've got enough issues that this could be the one to bring the guys with straight jackets to my house to carry me away! :p), and I found myself giving myself a good lecture. I was in the family room -- the room that gets the most use in our house. And I was saying to myself, "DUH! Just because I can't clean it ALL up right now and keep up with it, doesn't mean I have to let EVERYthing go. Umm...how stupid is that?" So I picked up a few obvious things, asked the kids to do the same, and in just a few minutes, we got to the point where we could actually walk on the floor and sit on the couch without stepping or sitting on clothes, papers, etc. Still have a LONG way to go, and none of us currently has the motivation or time to get it where it needs to be...but (and this is important) THAT's OKAY! There IS progress...it does NOT HAVE TO BE perfect progress.

Before, I go, I have one more thing to share. Last night when I came upstairs from the computer to our kitchen, I took my shoes off and walked across the kitchen to the frig to get something to drink. Now, first of all, the fact that I COULD walk across in my bare feet is a minor miracle itself. The fact that I did it and didn't step on any crumbs, stickies, or ickies is a major miracle in this house. I was thinking, "Hey, we did this! We mopped three days ago (or was it four?), and we've managed to maintain it enough so that I can walk across and not have to immediately go wash my feet or socks." ***Happy dance!***

Well, now I've got some laundry to do and a few things to put away to maintain the maintaining. :D

TTFN

Popping zits and tempers

I haven't posted for a little while. I've wanted to, but I've been crazy busy, mostly with work. I don't have access to a computer most days at work, which is a real pain, but I'm not here to talk about that, so before I get off on that tagent...

You know the zit that you love to pop...the one with a head as white as your teeth...the one that you barely squeeze and it spurts onto the mirror...? Gotta love those. Well, unfortunately, that's how I was with my temper the other day. I think the majority of it was dealing with the kids' attitudes recently. I had HAD it! I was tired of the arguing, the eye rolls, the sighs, the stomping, and even some passive aggressive behavior from both of them. So, I was a crab, and I felt absolutely ready to POP! My spirit was stretched to the limit. Even my husband was trying to calm me down (until he heard about what I had been dealing with, and then he sat the kids down and had a "talk" with them). I hate being like that, and once hubby called me on the carpet for it, I diffused pretty quickly. We survived the evening, but I can't say that it will be added to our list of Hallmark memories.

I apologized to the kids the next day, and I have noticed a difference, especially in my daughter. I saw a quote from someone that made me laugh out loud and lighten my mood considerably... "Ah, family...can't live with them. Not enough space to bury the dead bodies...!"

I got a few groceries today, and how nice it was to have counters cleaned off to put them on when unloading the car. We got them put away right away and still have those clean counters! :) I also was able to fold laundry on my clean kitchen table. Got that put away quickly too.

Hubby painted the other side of the basement with Kilz. That's where the dog (and cats) have been the WORST with relieving themselves. Can't tell you how much better it smells down here. *Doing the major happy dance!!!* Now, we have to remember to keep that door closed so they don't start reusing it. UGH!

I am in the process of putting Christmas stuff into plastic totes rather than boxes. It really does feel good to get some of this stuff done. Yay!!!!

Inch by inch...

Clean is better...

I was TIRED this morning...more so than usual. I am not a morning person to begin with, but I was definitely draggin' today. I hit the snooze button the usual amount of times, but it seemed like I had just gotten to sleep when I really had to get up. I truly like my job, but today I was headed to my least favorite building, so I was lacking in some motivation. Took me forever to drag my butt out of bed. I stood in the shower like in a trance. Usually my morning shower wakes me up pretty good, but this morning, I still felt half out of it when I got out. But I have to say, even in my foggy state, I noticed how good it was to have a clean bathroom to get ready in, especially being as tired as I was. Working in a clean environment makes things so much easier! Yeah, I know...this is not a new concept to most, but I read somewhere that the discovery of something old is still a discovery. I have a feeling I'll be making a lot of "old" discoveries in this journey.

A cup of tea, a spot of tea, or no tea at all?

Got a cup of tea ready to take with me to work this morning. LOVED my clean counters to work on! Got my lunch ready in record time...I'm sure it's because of those clean counters...nothing to shuffle around, not looking for where I put something, etc.

Made supper in a clean kitchen...so much easier. Pans clean and ready to use; gotta love that! And somewhere along the way, I took note that I was putting stuff away as I used it without TOO much thought. Can't say it's natural (probably never will be entirely), but with everything starting off clean, there is a desire to keep it that way as much as possible. Now, what to have for supper tomorrow night...hmmm.

Still struggling a bit with the island in the kitchen. I am convinced that the gravitational pull is much stronger there. It's our Bermuda Triangle...stuff just disappears for a while there. It has to be cleaned off several times a day to maintain, and that gets old. But we are perservering...somewhere along the way, it will stay clean longer than an hour, I just know it.

Hubby washed dishes tonite and wiped off the counters for me. YAY! Major kudos to him! He did miss one pan (the biggest one used...how do you do that?), but that will be so easy to clean quickly with everything else around it clean.

Got some new fall decorations from my mom. I absolutely love Fall! Anyway, she agreed to store them for me until next year when I'll have places to put them...CLEAN places to put them.

The kids are "on board" with all of this for the most part, but there's still some attitude peaking out that makes me a little crazy. But bad habits are hard to break. I've heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. It just doesn't work. Well, I think that's what the kids want...they want to do (or not do!) the same things they've always done, but they also want a clean house; they just don't want to have to work to get it. Add to all that that they're teenagers (well, one teen and one almost-teen), and...well, you get the idea. These are things that should have been taught when they were toddlers. It's never too late to learn better ways, but it's going to take some perserverance on all of our parts.

Overall...good day! Now...for a good night...sleep is beckoning me!

Not real happy with my kids right now. >:[

My son has always had a deluded idea of what doing a good job means...especially when it comes to cleaning. He does what most would consider a half-assed job for EVERYthing. I know it seems contradictory or hypocrytical to say that this is something that has been a major issue/pain for years when you consider what he's had to live with...but it is true. And lately he's been so argumentative. He gets frustrated with us, feeling like we are nagging and nothing is ever good enough for us, but I get so tired of his telling us what a wonderful job he did only to go and check and barely be able to see evidence of his having been there at all. It doesn't help that someone turned a switch on him at 12, and he's become argumentative and obnoxious all at once. We can be looking at the same white surface at the same time, and he's insisting that it's black...getting madder by the minute that no one sees his logic. GRRRR....

Tonite, he insisted on making supper, making what he wanted and doing it his own way. It became a tug-of-war that no one won because his way did not work, but because it was supper for everyone, we all paid the consequences. And don't even ask about the (lack of) clean-up! I just want to bang my head against the wall...wait, maybe it's HIS head I want to bang against the wall...! (His 13th birthday is coming up, and that is a special milestone in our family. I've been trying to figure out what kind of celebration/ceremony we will have for him. Maybe I won't have to worry about it, cause I'm not sure he's going to live long enough!)

Topping the evening off, my lovely daughter decided it was a good night to cop an attitude with anything I asked her to do. She tried to justify it by saying she had homework to do. This was, of course, very close to bedtime....after she had spent an hour on the computer and said not a single word about her homework then.

Deep breath...breathe in....breathe out...breathe in...breathe out. We CAN do this...we WILL do this....

Another step into the world of cleanies...

One more area to maintain has been added today. Our kitchen floor has now been cleaned, swept, and mopped! It's been worse before, but it was still pretty nasty. Blech! The kids and I did it together, along with a little help from hubby. And we did that while maintaining our other areas: kitchen counter, did the dishes, emptied dishwasher, etc. Now, another routine has been added to our growing list. We plan to sweep every day and mop at least once a week.

The kids have done pretty well with their new bathroom routines. I think they see the benefit of doing something quickly every day instead of waiting until it's a nightmare that takes hours to clean. I'm proud of all of us with the whole issue of maintenance.

I also want to talk about some progress with my thought process today. I was at my mother's house today. She has always made housekeeping seem easy. She has always been a "cleanie," but it's not like I always and only saw her cleaning 24/7. She just had her routines down and never let anything go. People could stop by most anytime, and it wouldn't be a problem. As time has gone on, and especially since we kids have been gone, her house has been even more immaculate. And to top it all off, she has a real knack for decorating. She is constantly getting compliments on her home...and rightfully so. My friends see her house and just go on and on about how beautiful it is. I've always been self conscious of the difference with my house. I loved going to her house to get away from my own chaos. It was just easier to spend time there. But there are also some mixed feelings there because I would look at her decorations and feel sad because I would think about ideas I would have for my own home, but knew they would get lost in the mess. Today, for the first time, I was looking around one of her rooms briefly and I actually felt hope. I thought, someday in the near future, I'm going to, first of all, be able to appreciate the decorations, pictures, etc, that I already have up and have been lost lately, and, secondly, I can even make some changes or additions. That's kind of exciting to me! I have some wonderful seasonal decorations that have been given to me the past few years, but I haven't put half or more of them out because I could never get the house clean enough to justify putting them out. I especially think of my favorite season, Fall. I love fall...the colors, the changing leaves, cooler weather. And I have some really NICE fall "accouterments" to put up. I'll probably miss this season again with how slowly I'm moving, but next year....LOOK OUT! It's almost like a reward I'm looking forward to. When I reach a certain point, I can really spruce some things up. I can't wait.

Combine all of the above with my clean kitchen floor, and I'm feeling pretty doggone good right now! :)

Long Day

Long day today! Work dragged big time today. *Bleh*

In the cleaning realm, nothing new really, but the evening's not over yet. Some good news, though...my kids are working on maintaining their bathroom like I have been with ours...wiping out the sink and toilet every day, picking up clothes, and eventually spraying the shower every day. My daughter is fixing supper right now, and we have an agreement to keep up with everything as she goes. We haven't been home long, so that's all we've had time for so far.

Maintenance only...but it's okay...

Had a pretty nasty headache most of this evening, plus I didn't get home until almost 7:00, so today was only maintenance...BUT I DID MAINTAIN! I didn't let anything go like I normally would. You know how it is...a surface is cleaned off, so one or two things left there won't matter, right? But that's how it starts...so I gritted my teeth and kept up with what I've got started.

The holidays are coming...I'm looking forward to a cleaner house. (Notice I didn't say, "clean house.") Being realistic in that I still may not be where I will eventually need to be, but I know things will still be much better.

Working tomorrow and kids have games in their sports...I love watching my kids play! So, tomorrow's going to be a GOOD day.

G'nite...

The Spice of Life

I cleaned out my spice cupboard today. I know...the rest of my house is in such a state, and you're thinking, "She cleaned out her SPICE cupboard." I can smile at that because I am making progress in a way that works for ME. And as far as getting things done...what order, how slow, etc., I just don't care what other people think. Well, mostly.

Anyway, the spice cupboard wasn't planned. I was pulling out some seasoning to use on my chicken in the slow cooker (that's another thing...I've used my slow cooker twice in the last three days because the counters and the cooker are clean and ready to use!), when I pulled out a couple things to search for what I was looking for, I saw the shelf and thought, "EWW!" The spice cupboard is next to the stove, so everything was pretty much covered in grease and grodies. So...out comes the all-purpose cleaner, a rag, and paper towels. I found two things of nutmeg, allspice, dill, Italian seasoning, and a few others, three things of cream of tartar (good grief!), and a few things I didn't know I had nor even how to use them. Threw most of it away. Some, almost new...full... I hate to waste and am looking for a good home, but trust me, I won't look more than a day or two before pitching it all!

Now, I can shift things around and find spices without dumping half of them on the counter due to lack of room.

Baby steps...

The clean is growing...

One more counter clean! Between yesterday and today, I got the counters in the kitchen cleaned and wiped off. Yay! The island is going to be a little tougher, especially when it comes to maintaining it. I think it's a magnet for clutter. Hmmm...have to think about that one. But in the meantime, if I keep the other counters maintained, that will be huge! :)

I actually washed dishes yesterday before going to bed! Do you know how I HATE to wash dishes??! But it is SO nice working around the kitchen today with a clean sink and no dirty dishes cluttering the counter.

The stove is also staring at me, daring me to clean it off. I hate cleaning off the stove (maybe even more than dishes)! The front of the stove around the handle is a mess, but I don't know how to get to it. I have tried all kinds of different things...SOS pads, an old toothbrush, even a screwdriver. I think I may have to actually tear apart the door to get to it.

I don't know what it is, but I've lost some steam with our bedroom. I don't mind most stages of laundry....except...I hate putting clothes away...maybe that's why. So, I've decided to work on other areas BUT do my bedroom a little bit at a time. Even if I just put two items of clothes away.

The bathroom is still clean!! :) I've been spraying the shower and wiping the sink down every day. I plan to include the toilet in that, too, but we have a leak right now. :P

Until another time...

Day 8

I was on the Stepping Out of Squalor website and starting looking thru pics there. There are some incredibly brave people who are posting before and after photos there. I don't know why I've avoided them before...maybe because I thought I wouldn't find anything as bad as this house...but I finally ventured in today. I almost danced a jig when I saw someone's kitchen pics. I felt like shouting for joy.."Hey, she gets it! Her kitchen's just like mine! I am not the only one." *sigh* Such relief. And motivation, too. If others can climb out of this state...I can too.



If you've ever seen the movie, Homeward Bound, there is a scene near the end where the old dog falls into a hole. He tries climbing out this one side that is slanted, but quite muddy. He kept sliding back down after making serious progress, sometimes almost to the top. The younger pup at the top kept encouraging him and even yelled at him saying he wasn't going to LET him give up. Eventually he even joined him in the hole to start pushing him up. I love that scene...and I feel like it's an excellent illustration of how this is going to go for me. There will be times I want to give up. It's gonna feel like climbing a muddy slope uphill most of the time, and I'll probably do some of it in fits and starts. And there are people who will be encouraging and pushing me along. Some will even be willing to join me in the midst of it to help, nudge, and prod.

I can't wait to get to the top!
..
Today's progress wasn't as much as I'd hoped. I was tired today. I do fight some health issues in the midst of all this. Nothing super serious and certainly not life threatening, but a hindrance nonetheless...some days more than others. Anyway, although not as much as I'd hoped, I did make progress. Got the final dishes from the past done...all I have left is today's dishes. I maintained the bathroom, got some laundry done, and started the dining room table. A big deal for me is that I continue to maintain areas we've worked on.

My daughter cleaned the laundry room and pantry floors really good. My son cleaned their bathroom really good. Now to maintain those. Going to develop a routine for the kids for their bathroom...and I'm going to take some suggestions mentioned a long time ago into consideration for the laundry room and pantry. I've noticed once I figure out a system that WORKS for me...I do maintain it.

One week

Still trying to process all of this...



Today was kind of tough...but exhilerating, too. Our bathroom carpeting has been replaced with linoleum...YAY! I have wanted this from the day we moved here, but it wasn't an option when we first moved in, and I never made it a priority afterward. But our pooch picked that room as a favorite for relieving herself if we weren't around to let her out. The carpet was grosser than gross, and I wasn't looking forward to trying to clean, disinfect, and de-stench it!



We also got a good start on our basement. One dump truck load went to the dumpster, and one car load went to Goodwill. And I gave it all up without looking back! RELIEF! HUGE relief! I am so excited to be able to work in my craft corner again.



On the more difficult side, though, it was hard to have my family in my house. Yes, I know they have seen it; they know, and they are here to help, not criticize, judge or degrade me. But the awareness, the shame, the embarrassment are still there...lurking just beneath the surface...percolating...waiting for the right opportunity to spill out and overwhelm me into paralysis once again. I'm trying to overcome, but it's not easy. It would be so much easier to curl up, shut down, and try to forget life on the outside. But whoever said life would be easy or even fair? It doesn't work that way...I know that.



It doesn't help that my hubby and I are trying so hard to be supportive of each other, but we find that while we are in the same book, we're rarely on the same page. One day, he wants baby steps while I want to run and do the long jump. The next day, it's the other way around. His parents want to help...mine, too. We need the help; we know that. But we also need to do some of this on our own terms, or the changes will be temporary. And we both hate having family come into this mess. So all kinds of feelings from anger to shame to irritation all run right beneath the surface, and it doesn't take much to pick a fight. Today, we had such a "discussion," and I wasn't even sure what we were fighting about. There was just so much tension, and it was all directed to the wrong people.



*Sigh* One day at a time. Just for today...I will be happy with the progress we've made. Progress, not perfection.



I do love my hubby and my family, and I am grateful they are a part of my life!

Oh...goals for tomorrow: Maintaining what we've started...our bathroom...spray shower, wipe sink and toilet quickly. Finish the dishes from the past (only 3 stoneware pans to go!) and wash tomorrow's dishes. Laundry...as many loads as we can get done. At least one more layer on my side of the bedroom. And lastly, I'd like to get started with our dining room table, especially since we are thinking about selling it.

Day 5 begins

You know, this doing things in stages and/or layers is really cool. I am seeing progress, and it lifts the spirits! But I am being realistic, too...not expecting too much...and get this--I'm maintaining what I've already done. That is what still daunts me a little. Once I make significant progress, how in the world will I maintain it? I mean, treading water before was overwhelming, let alone when I will have so much more to maintain. Well, I've refused to think too far ahead. One day at a time. And so far, so good. We've maintained! I sprayed the shower and did a quick wipe of our bathroom sink this morning (I finally remembered to do that!). I washed more dishes yesterday...they are almost done. And my daughter and I went through stuff under our kitchen island and got rid of a lot of stuff that I don't use.

The next 36 hours are going to be NUTS for us...kids' games to go to, I have to work, we're putting in our new bathroom floor, and I'm still trying to figure out how the heck we're going to get the kids' paper routes done, and to top it all off, my hubby is home sick from work. (Woke up to the sound of his viscious vomiting at 5 AM...that was pleasant...NOT.) So...the point in all of that is that my goals for today are simply to continue and try to finish a couple projects I've started: my side of our bedroom, a couple loads of laundry, and the cupboard items that my son took out for me to sort and decide what we keep and what goes. Nothing new.

Oh, one more thing...I find this kind of funny...in the midst of the clutter and dirt, we are trying to put things away as we use them and clean up at least what we've used at that time. So in the midst of a mountain of empty wrappers, boxes, and dirty dishes, we're putting the current items away. It seems so silly to outsiders, but it's an attempt to form better habits. So when the past filth is gone, nothing new is building. Gotta love that!

Now...off to work. :P

As I was cleaning my bathroom yesterday, for the first time in weeks (yes, you read correctly, I said weeks. There have been times before when I could have typed months.), I was thinking about what I wanted to type here. I finally decided I would just go with the flow, especially since you can count on one hand the number of people who will be reading this at first. I'm trying to figure out how to get the word out while keeping this completely anonymous. It's a way to keep myself accountable...a way to vent and work through some feelings...and a way to fight through the shame. Maybe I can help someone else going through similar pain...or maybe I can help bring some awareness to others who have no idea what this is like or how prevalent it really is.

Intervention

It's a word I'm all too familiar with. I'm married to an addict, after all. While we never had to do a full blown true intervention to gain his attention and sobriety, we did what I would consider shades of one several times. Being involved in recovery, we are familiar with what it entails. If I ever thought I would be a part of one, I would be one of the ones giving it, certainly not receiving it. But that's exactly what Sunday afternoon was...an intervention...and I was on the receiving end.

Squalor

Such an ugly word! I mean seriously, have you ever seen such filth, disgust, and ickiness in one word? Squalor. Just say that word--one word--and someone shivers. There is no doubt to its meaning, nor the depth of it. Beyond clutter, beyond disorganization, and even beyond chaos. Most women consider their house a source of pride, a safe haven. We are always encouraged to let the housework go to spend time with our families...the dust will wait. Well, some of us have taken "let it go" to a whole new level. When that word comes up, most of us would think of the slums, living near the dumpster in the worst part of town, bugs and rats, sewage and slime. But like so many well-kept and dark secrets, I've learned this affects everyone from the worst part of town to the best, those with one-room apartments and those with 5 million dollar mansions, those with no kids and those with ten, women who work 60 hours a week and women who stay home full time.


I know I'm not alone. But there is still much shame to work through.


Baby Steps

Those words have never meant so much to me as they have now. I have so much to overcome; if I think about it too much, I feel so very overwhelmed. I knew right away it was going to have to be baby steps. When my husband and I talked and finally faced up to the enormity of our problem, we decided our game plan would be one baby step each day. Our schedules are absolutely PACKED, so it hasn't worked quite like I wanted, but we are still making progress. I've got a tween and a teen in the house, both involved with sports, each with their own paper routes. Hubby works full time as do I, and we both also have a couple of very part time jobs. Just getting the evening meal ready is daunting under those circumstances in a normal house...try doing it in a filthy one, and it becomes like trying to wade through quicksand. So, if I can't even tread water, how am I supposed to swim the channel? The answer is to take a few strokes and then tread water for a few minutes...stroke, stroke, stroke, tread water, float, stroke, stroke, stroke, tread water, float...you get the idea. An important part of that is that those strokes can be normal free style strokes, or they can be equivalent to the dog paddle...whatever I feel up to at the time.

When hubby and I were forming our game plan and setting some goals, he starting pushing a little too much too soon. I just knew I wouldn't get done what he was suggesting. It was important to get him to back up and be realistic. If I'm not realistic with myself, then I would get discouraged....and quickly.

It's going to be hard to find the balance between baby steps and laziness. When do I push, and when do I back off and remain glad for what's happened so far? When is backing off reasonable and when is it an excuse to meander off the path, off-track from my goals? Hopefully I'll find out while making progress each day. You know, even maintaining will be progress for me.

Progress

Speaking of progress, what progress have we made so far? Well, mold and mildew are no longer finding the "vacancy" sign out in our bathroom. The carpeting on my husband's side of the bed has seen daylight for the first time in months, the first layer of clothes on my side of the bedroom floor have been put away, into the hamper, or into a bag for Goodwill. The mountain of dishes has become a molehill. And the first layer of grime has been wiped from counters and the stovetop.

The reason only top layers have been done in some areas is because we had to do some emergency cleaning as a couple was dropping by to view a piece of furniture we were selling. Even just starting this whole process helped with that. We have torn up our smelly non-salvagable bathroom carpet, and hubby painted the floor to lock in the odor. The stuff he painted on, though, was quite potent, temporarily covering up the overall rank smell of squalor that has managed to penetrate our home. (That was another part of the intervention that rocked my world...our house smelled like a slum and a pet sewer combined.) A combination of our brief surface cleaning, the potent paint smell, along with some clever shifts in clutter allowed us to tell this couple that we were in the process of several home projects, so please ignore our mess. They not only bought our story, but also bought the piece we were selling. Praise God!

One day at a time, I will get through this, and I will come out cleaner on the other side. Some days it will feel like running, some like walking, some like crawling, and some like standing still. But hopefully the overall feeling will be one of progress, not perfection. If you're still reaing this, watch for daily posts that will vary in length from a sentence or two to long essays. Feel free to post your encouragement...leave any discouraging words on your own blog.